


metanoia (KaneHide)

by hiidee



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Adopted Work, Adopted and rewritten, Alternative Universe-Experimentation, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Original Child Characters, Self-Hatred, You might've seen this story concept before :), accidental murder, but ghouls still exist, established relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 07:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiidee/pseuds/hiidee
Summary: metanoia (n.)- the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life.Hide was taken to the CCG as a victim, and forced to prove theory and reality. He was forced to bear children, half human and half ghoul children.He was taken to breed.He became a single parent to three, it being rather difficult on his own with harsh treatment from those who forced him there. But after a change of heart by a for and horrific discovery, he is given the chance to regain his freedom.But would this freedom really last long like he wanted it to be? With battling self hatred, and meeting mysterious people that would ultimately change the rest of his life..(adopted work- see inside for more)
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise & Nagachika Hideyoshi, Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise & Nagachika Hideyoshi & Original Character(s), Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi, Kirishima Touka & Kosaka Yoriko, Kirishima Touka/Kosaka Yoriko, Nagachika Hideyoshi & Nishio Nishiki, Nagachika Hideyoshi & Yoshimura Eto | Takatsuki Sen, Nishino Kimi & Nishio Nishiki, Nishino Kimi/Nishio Nishiki
Comments: 39
Kudos: 122





	1. i. another chance

When it comes to the theory of men being able to bear children, you will find that the question in particular attracts many different types of people with many of their own theories to that particular thought.

If you ask a religious person about the concept, you will almost certainly get a response that includes god and his views, and the inappropriateness of a male taking a womans role of reproduction.

If you ask a person that is considered worldly, you may get a response along the lines of equality, or even basic homophobia that will make you immediately discard the thought.

But for Hide this theory meant nothing, as it was nothing more than his reality in the cruel world. Of course, he would have never taken up the chance to prove something so controversial. 

But that didn’t mean he found positives in his life of surprises. 

The CCG had forced Hide’s body to bend in ways to prove the theory, though they weren't too concerned about opinion on a gender role. They were more concerned about creating something to destroy the entire Ghoul species, wanting to be able to eradicate the creatures that seemingly continued to reproduce. 

So, they decided to try and create a being that was able to fit in both with humans as well as ghouls. 

And Hide was the breeder for that being.

“Mama!”

Hide’s hand shook slightly at the call of his name. He never bothered to correct his children, even though he was still technically a man. But it made sense in a way, as he no longer took the role of a man anymore.

“I know you hear me! Mama!” 

Hide took a deep breath once more, trying not to allow the slight irritation get to him. After all he loved his children, every single one of them. The children only had Hide’s time and affection, so it was normal for his babies to want Hide’s attention only on them. But Hide was busy, as the CCG had made it clear that he would write in this god forsaken journal every day or face the consequences.

Hide would write down all of the data used to create the being used to wipe out the entire ghoul species.

There were painful consequences for disobeying, as the CCG were very strict with their developing projects.

“Mama, I love you.” said the tiny voice once more.

Hide decided that the journal could wait. He put down the small pencil and notepad, and turned around in his chair to face his eldest son.

“I love you more Hikaru! Now,” he said happily, a smile sporting his face when he looked down to his baby. Hide held out his arms, allowing his son to climb in his lap.

“What are you up to, young man?” he said sweetly to his baby, and he felt the small arms of the child wrap around his neck and get pulled into the hug. The small boy giggled with his face buried in the crook of Hide’s neck.

“Nothing mama. Shou and Kou are just taking much to come back. I'm really lonely.” the young boy, Hikaru, said softly. He dragged out the last sentence, leaving Hide to believe that the child was bored without his brother's company. Hide chuckled at the thought of Hikaru missing his younger brothers, despite the fact that Hikaru acted like he disliked their company at times. 

“Do you want me to play with you? I'm probably not as cool as your brothers but I can totally hang out with you if ya’ want.” 

“Yes please!”

“Lead the way, Hikaru.”

Hide allowed the little boy to give him a sloppy kiss on his cheek, watching as Hikaru quickly got off his lap and grabbed his hand. The little boy practically dragged Hide to the place they considered a ‘living room’ though it wasn’t like one at all. Their small studio-like apartment in the CCG compound was terribly small.

There was a single room that all of them shared, a bedroom. The bedroom had a walk-in bathroom with a small kitchen only footsteps away from that area. It wasn’t suited for Hide and all three of his kids. It was as if the CCG wanted him and his boys to have the strongest feeling of poverty as they could. 

They always rubbed it in his face too, making Hide feel shitty about his desires for better living conditions and new things. They didn’t wear normal clothes either, Hide and the children had the same clothes on everyday. They all sported the white pajamas that looked nothing more than ragged scrubs.

Hide hated it.

But he hated the people who forced him and his sons into this lifestyle much more.

All of this mistreatment for a weapon of destruction.

“Mama?” Hikaru questioned, snapping Hide out of his negative thoughts. 

He had almost forgotten, he was supposed to be playing with his baby! How selfish of him!

“Sorry hon’, mama just got lost for a bit.” Hide assured his son, hoping the child wouldn’t ask too many questions.

Hide’s children were incredibly smart for their age, and could almost read Hide like a book. They loved their precious mama, always trying their hardest to appease him. Hide believed if it wasn’t for them, he would have lost himself to the slow growing hatred in his heart. Of course, Hide did his best to satisfy his children as well, loving them like they deserved.

They all helped each other in a way, after all it was only the four of them against the world it seemed.

Hide, Haruki, and the twins of course.

Hikaru hummed at his mama, bursting into a fit of giggles before nodding his head. 

“Got lost? That sucks.” the boy snickered.

Hide smiled, before moving on to the toys. He chuckled a bit at Hikaru’s response, before picking up a few of the building blocks. There weren’t many toys really, as the CCG had made it clear that they would get no special treatment, even if the items were in fact for the kids. Hide had begged and begged for the small amount of toys that the boys did have. The toys were over used, as well as the books that the children had scored from the doctors and nurses.

Mostly, Hikaru had passed along his old toys to his brothers. It was true that he enjoyed all of the toys really, but Hikaru's favorite was the small hand puppet that he had been given when he was born. He loved that damn puppet to death, even if it was only a little less the size of Hide’s hand. 

“Hm, what should we play with now?” Hide asked sweetly, before realizing Hikaru wasn’’t looking at him or paying attention to him at all. Instead, the little boy seemed to be in another headspace like Hide was before. Hide only noticed that the child was crying when he heard the small sniffles coming from the little body. 

Hide immediately got defensive.

What had happened to his baby? Hikaru reminded Hide a lot of himself when he was a child, very laid back with a good sense of humor. Usually Hikaru would be the one comforting the twins when they cried, but it was now that the tides had turned.

Hide immediately went to his son's side, rubbing the boys back as he sobbed lightly.

“Hikaru honey what's wrong? Breathe and tell mommy what's wrong okay?” he cooed, comforting his son. That was when Hide noticed the hand puppet in Hikaru’s hand.

“M’ sorry mama, I didn’t mean to.” The boy sobbed some more, and Hide took a deep breath as he realized the issue wasn’t as severe as he thought.

“Oh honey why didn’t you just tell me so I could help you? Here,” Hide took the puppet and inspected what seemed like a tear on the side of the fabric. Hide then quickly shuffled to his feet, going to get the item that would help fix the puppet, whom Hikaru had even given a name to.

Hikaru named the little puppet Hansel, based on the wild fairy tale Hide had read to the children during a story time. 

Hikaru waited for Hide to come back, and when he did the little boy was confused.

“A paperclip mama?” he said softly, utterly confused on how Hide was going to fix his precious Hansel.

Hide cheekily smiled at Hikaru and simply grabbed the puppet out of the little boys hands. Hikaru scooted closer to Hide to get a closer look.

“Watch the magic Hikaru, or else your mind will be blown!” With that, Hide began to work on the puppet. He used the paperclip in the way you would use a safety pin. He put it in a way that the hole was mostly closed, as well as in a way Hikaru could continue to use the puppet while the clip was intact.

“Ta-da, I told you I would fix Hansel with my magical skills Hikaru, you just didn’t want to believe me!” Hide glowed as he spoke, his son clearly happy that his puppet was fixed in a way he could play with it again. 

Though Hide knew that the puppet would look brand new if he was able to sew the hole closed, and decorate it with things to Hikaru’s liking. But, he wasn't allowed a sewing kit, nor the cute accessories to make the puppet look unique. Hikaru squeezed Hide in a hug, his voice strained from happiness.

“Thank you mama, you fixed him up! Hansel is back for keeps!”

Hide hugged his son back, a boastful grin on his face. “Of course I was able to fix our friend Hansel. But even after I fix him, you and you brothers like to bully me so much. So mean to your mama aren’t you?”

A mock hurt expression claimed Hide’s features to fit his teasing, but he was suddenly pounced on by the devilish little boy, surprisingly able to knock Hide off all of his balance.

“Hikaru please! M-Mama was just joking again!” Hide begged throughout a severe laughing fit caused by the action. Despite being an adult man, Hide couldn't resist the reaction to the ‘tickle attack’ his son had decided to give him for teasing. Most people wouldn’t believe that Hikaru, a rather small eight year old, would be able to knock a grown man off of his ass.

But Hikaru was a ghoul.

A half ghoul and half human to be exact, but that didn’t remove the fact that the little boy possessed some strengths that he really didn’t know the extremities of yet.

But Hide loved Hikaru regardless of being a ghoul, because Hikaru was one of the little things in his life that he had appreciated and had motivation to live for. The same love was given to his lovely twin sons, too.

Hide could feel the flush in his cheeks from laughing so much after Hikaru leapt off of him, laughing instead. The small boy shook slightly from the happiness radiating out of his pours.

“Mama! Shou and Kou are finally back, I can smell em!” the little boy squealed out as Hide picked himself off the floor. He ruffled through Hikaru’s distinctive black and white strands of hair.

“Alright now honey, let's greet your brothers and Mao-san at the door okay?”

“I’ll lead the right way, follow me!” 

And next thing Hide knew he was being dragged toward the doorway of their home by Hikaru, who was clearly excited to see his brothers as much as Hide was himself. Hikaru loved being the eldest brother, and always did his best to appease his younger siblings. The little boy sometimes put on small performances that reminded Hide of an old fashioned television series. Hide enjoyed the small comedic acts Hikaru performed as well, just like the twins did.

Hide and Hikaru approached the door and opened it just in time to greet Mao, alongside Kou. Mao was the assigned nurse that Hide had been provided by the CCG. She was the first person Hide had met once the hellish experiment that he had been dragged into had begun all those years ago. 

Mao was a rather tall woman that seemed to be in her middle ages, as she was in relatively good shape along with the lines of age marking her face. Her relationship with Hide was one that Hide had connected with one of a critic. She had always made Hide feel low about himself, as if he was the one who should be ashamed of himself. Though there were also days when Mao would be kind, such as the small amounts of time she had approved Hide’s requests for tea. Though it was nothing more than a mere cup of tea Hide appreciated it, considering the strict diet he had been put on.

At first it was only water.

Hide and Hikaru bowed their heads respectively in front of the elder, greeting her. Hide had made sure to teach his children simple manners, as he was raised the same way in the receiving home he resided in his youth. Mao simply nodded her head, a small smile resting on her features.

“Greetings Hide, I'm proud to say that the boys didn’t give me much trouble today when they had their checkups. Kou didn’t even cry like I expected him to.” she said gleefully, especially when the black haired twin stepped closer to his mother, his eyes glossy with happy tears.

“I-It’s true! It doesn’t hurt anymore, not like when I was little.” the little boy said proudly as he puffed his small chest with clear pride.Hide clapped his hands to applaud the little boy, picking up the oldest of his twins and settling the child on his hip. 

“See,” he began, “I told you it was just a little pinch honey! I’m super proud of you, Kou.” 

“R-Really?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be proud of my little honeycomb?” he replied, before kissing the little boy on the cheek. That was when Hide had realized he hadn’t seen his youngest child yet.

Where the hell did Shou wander off too?

Mao must have noticed as well, since she pointed outside of the doorway to where Shou and another nurse were standing. He gently placed Kou down on the floor, Hikaru pulling the little ravenette boy aside, whispering. Hide hung his head low as he brushed passed Mao, going to collect his young baby from the hallway. 

Hide tried not to let the intimidating guards that were glaring at him scare him too much.

As Hide approached the nurse seemed to run away in fright, leaving Shou and by himself.

“Su-su?” Hide said, using the nickname that he had given to Shou when he was born. 

“Oh, it’s just you mama. What are you doing?” the little said in his small monotonic voice. Hide snickered at how his son spoke, as if the little boy was so surprised to see Hide suddenly behind him.

“Just me Su-su! I was looking for you actually, I was worried sick.” Hide decided to say, putting on a fake pout. Shou seemed to take the bait, as his eyes widened considerably and he let out a tiny gasp and a whine.

“I’m sorry mama, I didn’t mean to!” 

“I’m bluffing honey, I knew where you were at.” he said cheekily as he swiftly picked up his little baby.

The stares from the guards were beginning to become too much for Hide’s sanity, the feeling of many pairs of eyes on him made himself feel too exposed. As he walked with the white haired baby in his arms Hide remembered the nurse that he found along with the child.

“Su-su?”

“Hm?” the little boy hummed softly.

“Why did that nurse leave so quickly from you?” Hide asked, before gasping in realization. “Were you being mean to her, Su-su?”

The child stiffened as they approached Mao. 

The little boy breathed out some more, before answering.

“I talked to her about how my food tastes. I don’t know why she was being so strange, mama.” he said softly, but unapologetically.

Oh.

On that discovery, Hide only smiled and responded quickly. “She just doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

Apaun seeing his brothers, Shou wiggled out of Hide’s arms to complete the trio. Hide stood in the small doorway next to Mao and listened in on the boy's conversation. The first voice he heard was Hikaru’s.

“You cheated Kou, I wanna rematch!”

“Lies onii-chan, your just a sore loser!” was Kou’s boastful response.

“You complain a lot to be older than us.” Shou’s unenergetic comment.

Hikaru gasped at his twin brothers, betrayed.

“Shou you traitor! Fine, I challenge you to a rock, paper, and scissors game next.”

“Fine by me.”

“Hikaru onii-chan is just gonna lose and go cry to mama again, isn’t he Su-su?”

Hide let out a hearty chuckle as the twins continued to seemingly bully their older brother, the children not even paying attention to himself or Mao. Hide snapped out of his thoughts as Mao whistled to him, jerking her head to the right as if to say come forward. Hide did as he was told, meeting Mao a bit farther in the hallway that was the ‘outside’ of the small home.

“Hide,” she began, her voice holding authority and what seemed like regret. Her eyes even hardened on Hide’s smaller frame.

“Mao? Is there something the matter?” Hide asked, wondering if he had done something to face a punishment. Or was there something wrong with his children? Was he going to be forced to subdue another experiment soon?

Hide didn’t know, but he feared the worst.

“Hide,” she said quieter this time. “The higher ups have decided that it is time for Hikaru to start his training. He will finally start phase three of the project. He will finally become the weapon he was destined to become.” she said, her bangs darkening her eyes to where Hide couldn’t see the exact expression she had.

Hide felt as he had just been shot in his chest, as his stomach dropped to the news. He could feel his form shake, at the news that his baby would be turned into a weapon of mass destruction.

To be used for the rest of his life.

“B-But Hikaru’s only seven, he can't even write his full name yet. Please,” he begged. “You can’t take him away from me yet.”

“Hide,” Mao then looked Hide in his eyes as she said her next words. “Hikaru was never yours and neither are the twins. They, along with yourself, are property of the CCG. You should have known this by now.”

Hide wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at her, tell her how wrong she was.

Did they really expect Hide to hate the beings he raised? Because they were ghouls?

Half ghouls?

“I’m sorry, please have Hikaru ready by tomorrow morning.” The older woman said and turned away, her body stiff. “Goodnight Hide.”

And then she was gone.

Hide was by himself in that god forsaken hallway, but he couldn’t feel the eyes of the guards burning into him anymore. 

Were they pitying him because they knew what just happened? Looking away in shame?

Hide held his hand to his heart before pushing himself to the place he called home.

He wished he had more time to spend with Hikaru. He wanted to let Hikaru spend more time with the twins, allow them to eat together one more time. Hide hated himself some more, realizing how useless he was.

He couldn’t save Hikaru even if he tried.

And Hikaru would probably grow up to curse the person that he called his mama, if he even grew up at all.

Hide away wiped the tears and slowly running snot from his nose. He would stay strong, and try his hardest to live in the present, and not the future. He hoped that his children, his incredibly smart children, would not realize their mother's distress.

Hide was greeted by Hikaru, the little boy clutching a book close to his tiny chest. Hide managed to smile when all three of his children were in his vision. Shou and Kou were touching shoulders as they stood next to Hikaru.

The twins were extremely close anyways, always finding one way or another to embrace each other's presence. Hide wondered if the CCG would allow the twins to be together when they took them from him. But why would they do that when they can have two new things to create weaponry from?

It hurt Hide to think about the twins being separated.

“Mama’s face is red.” Shou said, his light ominous voice filling Hide’s ears.

“Mama’s just tired, hon’.” he said before turning to Hikaru.

The eldest child placed the book in Hide’s hands. 

So, for the rest of the night Hide read stories to his children from the book. Hide even let them stay up afterwards, all of them making a lopsided fort with their pillows and a single blanket. It was a happy moment, Hide almost forgetting the news until he remembered when he was the last one awake.

The twins slept on their shared futon, their backs touching as they faced apart from each other. Hikaru on the other hand cuddled against Hide’s chest. Hide allowed his fingers to stroke the child's multiple colored curls, snuggling even closer to his baby as he allowed some of his emotions to shine through.

“Hikaru, i’m sorry I couldn’t protect you,” he sobbed softly into the pillow.

“Please forgive me.”

# # # #

“Hide”

“Hide, come on.”

“Get up, Hide.”

Hide struggled to keep his eyes open as his mournful slumber was disrupted by a voice calling his name. He couldn't quite place a finger on who the voice belonged to, and would have replied if a hand didn’t cover his mouth. That was when his eyes opened, and he immediately recognized the face of his assumed attacker.

It was Mao, no doubt about it.

“Don’t make a sound Hide,” she whispered. “Quickly help Hikaru get dressed as we don’t have much time. Change into your clothes as well.”

That was when Hide noticed the plastic bag and inspected its contents. There were three pairs of clothes, all of them were hoodies and jean pants.

Outside clothes? But why?

Mao was waking up Shou and Kou, who were stumbling upwards with their eyes still closed with sleep. She was moving too quickly for Hide’s liking, who was still confused on what exactly was going on. 

Were they being moved to a different section of the CCG compound?

“Mao, what’s going on?” he decided to question instead, waking Hikaru while he did so.

“No questions,” she mumbled. “If you want to keep the children, I suggest you stop bitching and do as you're told.” she cursed, though it wasn’t the first time she had ever spoken to Hide that way. 

Keep his children? Of course that was what Hide wanted! He nodded his head, dressing Hikaru on the hoodie and jeans before moving onto himself. 

“Itchy..” the eldest child mumbled as he tugged on the clothes he had been given. He had never seen these types of clothing before, only used to the plain white scrubs he wore in the compound. He was more awake than his brothers though, who immediately went to his side after they were dressed as well.

“Okay, now what Mao?” 

The woman sighed before picking up Shou and Kou, balancing them on her hip. That was when Hide noticed the backpack that was on her shoulders, as she motioned for Hide to follow along. 

“Questions will be answered later, I promise. Just follow me as we don’t have much time before they realize the camera’s are disabled. We only have this one chance.”

Cameras?

Hide nodded his head, listening to the woman who he assumed was taking them somewhere that wasn’t familiar. He had never trusted Mao, but decided to listen as his son's life as well as his own was at stake. Hide held Hikaru’s hand as they followed the elder through the doors, sneaking down the hallways that lead to a flight of stairs. 

Hikaru looked around anxiously as he followed his mother and Mao, making contact with Shou and Kou for a moment. The children had never been allowed outside of their small home, which was scary enough. But what frightened Hikaru the most was the fact that he could sense his mother's fear as well.

The child felt protective of his mother and his brothers, so when he sensed these feelings the young child’s guard immediately went up.

“They’re so stupid, they haven’t even realized that we’ve left yet.” Mao began quickly, but slow enough for Hide to comprehend as they continued down the different hallways and staircases. 

“I switched off the camera feeds that were hidden in the room you see, and I chose this time specifically because of swift changes from the guards. They do the same schedule everyday, the morons.” she scoffed and shook her head, clearly disappointed at the decisions made by the CCG.

That meant Mao had been planning this for months.

Hide held tight to Hikaru’s hand as he thought about the elderly woman who had always treated him poorly, planning his own escape. Perhaps he was wrong about Mao’s intentions throughout the whole time he had been in the CCG’s hands. But his thought process was cut short when Mao suddenly stopped, and Hide realized they were looking at a scanner of sorts.

“Now, all we have to do is get through here. This scanner searches for RC cells, so if a ghoul tries to come in here for whatever the case may be, he is caught. The CCG has these kids so doped on represents though, that the scanner shouldn’t detect them on first hand.” she mumbled, before turning to face Hide. 

“I will go first with Shou and Kou,” she said, the twins looking at their mother with clear fear of what was going on. “You and Hikaru better be right behind me, and hurry as we have fifteen minutes before our ride comes.”

Hide looked at the twins then Hikaru, and nodded his head.

“It’s okay to be scared, because I am too.” he said, trying to encourage his children to be brave. To put it in simple words, Hide was not only scared but fearful that this could be a trap Mao had put him in. But he decided that this was a chance that he did not want to miss.

A chance to get his freedom and dignity back.

Hiakru nodded and made eye contact with his brothers, nodded as well. They were silent, which seemed to please Mao as she smiled.

“Don’t make a peep,” she said, before slowly walking through the scanner.

It didn’t set off, unlike Hide expected. 

From the other side Mao nodded her head, clearly rushing to get to their next destination. That left Hide and Hikaru, who made eye contact. Hide squeezed the young boy's hand, trying to encourage the child to stay strong. The two walked towards Mao and the twins, going through the scanner.

They were successful.

That was when the older woman looked upwards to see a clock, clearly frightened by the time.

“Quickly Hide, we can’t miss it!” she said, taking off speed walking quicker than Hide could keep up with. He had picked up Hikaru as they left through the doors that were just up ahead.

Rain.

Once they were outside, the rain and hail drenched them. But they kept moving, but this time they were running. Hide followed Mao to the best of his abilities and followed her across the grass of the CCG compound base, finally noticing what the elder woman was trying to get to.

A train station! Hide hadn’t seen one of those in years!

They quickly moved across the people that were arriving late on the train as well, trying to get an easy spot. They were successful, as Hide shook from the anxiety that was beginning to pool inside of him. It was only normal, as he had never been around so many people at once since the start of the cursed experiment. 

Mao moved them to a section of the train that was deserted, the only people being there were the five of them. Mao sat down, her clothes and hair drenched from the rain. She sat Shou and Kou down, and they immediately went to Hide’s side. When he finally sat down he was overwhelmed by the small bodies that huddled up to his side. 

Hikaru had moved across from Hide, wanting to stare out of the window instead. The twins were shivering, after all this was their ever first encounter with rainy weather.

They had made it, but Mao broke the silence.

“Take this time to rest until it is time to move again,” she said. “The adventure isn’t over yet, Hide.”

Hide let out a shaky breath at the words, wrapping his arms around the twins, who were already almost falling asleep. He couldn’t help the tears that began to roll down his cheeks either as he watched Hikaru, who was leaning his head against the window.

This all happened in such a short amount of time, and Hide was just so overwhelmed. But he knew deep down in his gut that this was nowhere near over. 

He would just have to wait and see what this new life had in store for him and his children.


	2. ii. guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is confused, Hikaru's a little shit, and Mao redeems herself.
> 
> TW: suicide

The five ended up in a sketchy apartment building in a completely different ward.

The journey was tougher than Hide imagined it would be, with it being a rather long boat ride and a hike down a cliff before they even made it there. Hide held onto Hikaru’s hand while Shou laid limp on his shoulder in sleep. Kou held on tightly to his elder brother's arm to keep up with Mao and his mother. The backpack on her back was sagging slightly as she led them through a small gate that led them deeper and deeper through apartments, until they reached an upstairs that you wouldn’t quite notice at first.

This specific apartment building was different from the other buildings due to it looking deserted. The lamp on the side of the apartment door didn’t even light up like the rest of the other apartment lamps, making it seem even more undesirable to approach. The apartment’s number was written in the center of the door.

‘56-B’

Hide and the children came to a halt behind the woman as she stopped in front of the door, reaching on top of the door to achieve what looked like a key. Mao shared a look with Hide before opening the door to the apartment.

It was large, way larger than the place at the CCG.

Before Hide could admire all of the nostalgic furniture and picture frames, the elderly woman pushed him out of his thoughts. She looked at the children, who were struggling not to fall asleep standing.

“Let's put them to bed, then I will explain myself.” she said, before leading Hide to the back of the apartment. They put the children into a large bedroom that had looked decorated specifically for them. There were three beds that had Digimon bedding sheets, and even a few tub boxes that looked like clothes for children.

Once the boys were put into the beds successfully and they were sure to be asleep, Mao dragged Hide back to the living room. The woman went to where she put the backpack, which was at the kitchen table. They sat across from each other, Mao grabbing the backpack and opening it, holding it in her lap. Hide couldn’t help but break the silence, wanting the answers he longed for.

Where were they? Why did Mao place them here? 

Would he and his children finally be free?

“I think i've waited long enough for an explanation Mao,” he began, his voice shaky with unvoiced emotion as he spoke. “What is going on?” 

“This is the place that I believe to be the beginning to the next chapter of your life,” she began slowly, taking out a map from the backpack first.

Hide’s hands twitched in her lap as she spoke, listening closely to important details.

“This is a place that I found quite a few years ago, under the name of a person that doesn’t actually exist.” she said, pointing at the map. 

“This is where we are,” she pointed at the circled portion on the map. “Very far from the CCG compound.”

Hide gulped before replying, not really giving a damn where they were. He was more interested in why he had been dragged here.

“Why.. Why are you helping us? What's the reason for all of this?” 

“Nobody will find you here, you and your boys are safe. This apartment hasn’t been used since I was young, which is quite a long time ago.” She placed the bag back down on the table, blinking at Hide’s questions. She continued to speak however, and Hide listened closely.

“I haven’t been here often though, only between the last month when I was slowly adding things to this home. As well as to drop off the packages, which was only last week.”

Hide pressed his hands to his head, slowly trying to comprehend the events that were happening before his eyes. 

“Im positive that by now the CCG knows we are gone, and I want to let you know that they will be looking for you and the children.” she said, looking over across the table. A sigh escaped her as she spoke with her head down.

“I’m doing this to redeem myself for the children, the family I have wronged for the past few years.” she said softly, making Hide pick up his head to look at her.

“Mao..”

“If I were still in my youth, I wouldn’t have done this for you,” she said.

Hide flinched at the tone.

“But what you and the children have.. Is much different. You are a human Hide, and they are ghouls. I was almost positive that they would have eaten you by the time they were toddlers,” she scoffed out, glancing upwards to look at HIde.

“But I was wrong. They treated you like a child would to a parent. They love you so much, and are so well behaved in order to please the person they call their mother. It made me realize,” she let out a ragged breath. 

“It made me realize just how human, just how much like a family you all truly are.”

Hide’s eyes softened at the words, them being the kindest he had ever heard from the woman.

“This is my last accomplishment, before I redeem myself from the other lives and families I have destroyed. All of the innocent ghouls I have hurt, they will have their vengeance when I leave.” she said, hinting at something Hide couldn’t really put his finger on.

That was when Mao suddenly stood, making Hide stand as well.

“My work here is done Hide, I don’t want my presence to put your family in any more danger than I already had. I must leave.”

Hide balked at her statement, grabbing her arm before she could leave.

“W-Wait! Tell me how I'm supposed to live on my own with literally nothing?” he said, his voice small with fear.

He appreciated the change of Mao from the woman that had held him down with needles most of the time, but she was really giving him nothing to work with. He was a wanted man right? How would he live with no job, and no money? Not even a goodbye and she was trying to leave him.

“Everything you need,” she said darkly. “Is in that backpack on the table. Your case files, money, and everything else that you will need to live. Use your head to understand what everything is for, because all of the items in there have a purpose no matter how useless they look.” she said, her eyes hiding a message.

Hide hated the subliminals she was giving him, leading him on to figure out everything on his own again. He decided he would just have to crack the riddle she was forcing him to understand. 

She moved her arm from Hide’s grip, reaching in her pocket and handing him a note card. There were no words, just a number.

“This is the number to a man that will help when it comes to feeding the boys. He will bring packages full of meat, no questions asked. That man is a ghoul.” she said.

Hide gulped and nodded his head quickly, him heart racing on all of the information he was receiving. That was when Mao suddenly grabbed his hands, and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“This is the only important thing that I will tell you. It’s about the ghoul used in this experiment, the man considered a father,” she began quickly.

“As you know the experiment involved two parties, the breeder and the donor. You of course were used to conceive the children. The scientists and myself were going to use a low ranked ghoul, as the blood and sperm of a higher ranked one would most likely burn through your bloodstream, or immediate death.” she continued.

Burn through his bloodstream? Hide was surprised he was even alive!

“I was sure you were going to die, and I was almost prepared to start looking for replacements to carry on the project with. We continued on however, and I was shocked when the expected didn’t happen.” she sighed, nodding her head as if she was getting a visual of the memory. 

Hide processed the strange story as well, thinking about how apparently god was on his side after all. It was terrifying to even think that he wouldn’t be alive if it were to go through his bloodstream.

But why didn’t it kill him? What made his blood so special that it was able to take the ghouls DNA?

“I almost went into shock when you went through the conception stage of the project, because it just didn’t make any sense.” she said, a stern expression on her face, but her head cocked to the side as to show she still thought about it.

“You conceived not once but three times with the same high ranked ghoul selected. But I realized it wasn't luck, and that it's just because you're such a special human being, Hide.” she said with a scoff.

Before Hide could open his mouth to reply she interrupted again.

“The ghoul we used was a demon that walked the earth Hide. He had killed many people, just a horrible, horrible being. Therefore,” she said, her voice serious as she pointed a finger at Hide as if to frighten him. 

“I suggest you don’t seek him out, if he is even still alive for the matter. Understood?” 

Hide nodded rapidly, before being embraced in a hug by the taller woman. She patted his back comfortingly, and Hide nearly melted from the intense emotions that he was feeling.

He couldn’t believe so much had happened in such a short amount of time.

They released from the hug, smiling at each other. 

“Please note that the boys won’t be receiving RC suppressants anymore, and their kagune will present itself. My suggestion is that you stay calm, as I'm positive they will stay calm if you are. Do your research on things if you have to.” she wryly said, her shoulders sagging as she turned around to seemingly leave.

“Farewell Hide, until we meet again in another life.”

Hide sighed sadly as he watched her leave. “Goodbye Mao.” she sadly whispered, waving on impulse as the door closed behind the woman as she left. 

Hide turned around to the table, his heart beginning to speed up as he once again was left along, his thoughts finally coming to the conclusion.

He was free.

Once he had steadied his heart beat, Hide shakily moved to seat himself at the chair. He was shaking, as the tears freely flowed as he continued to process what had happened to him. He rubbed his face roughly, trying to figure out what his next move was now that he was on his own.

His eyes moved to the backpack, and he quickly grabbed it to check its contents. Mao did say that everything he needed was inside of the bag, and Hide wouldn’t waste anymore time to figure out everything.

Especially since Mao was too stubborn to tell Hide all of the information she knew as well as a plan, he was practically on his own to build the next chapter of his and the boy's life.

The bag was slightly heavy on Hide’s lap, as he pulled out two things from the backpack first.

They were both envelopes, one a rectangular white one that reminded Hide of mail. The other envelope was orange, one that reminded Hide of one he would receive documents in. He placed the orange one on the table top, deciding to open the white one first.

It was money.

Hide’s eyes widened slightly at the large amount of cash, that Hide was sure would last him and his boys at least a few months. He thought a little on how he was able to buy the children new things, and finally spoil them like they deserved.

“W-woah, it's so much. How did she get this much money?” he questioned out loud. He then put the money back in the envelope, switching it for the unopened orange envelope that was on the table and putting it aside.

He opened it, greeted by a large stack of paper stuffed in a folder with the word ‘Confidential’ plastered in red. He prepared himself for the worst, coming to the conclusion that these were files about himself.

Or the ghoul used to be the father to his children.

He hoped he wouldn’t find anything that would upset him, and began to open the folder. Hide gagged at the first thing he saw in the folder, shutting it back quickly and rushing to put it away.

It was a photograph.

A photograph that showed the insides of a man that Hide recognized to be himself.

It was a grotesque picture that Hide wasn’t really expecting to see, and decided that he didn’t want to read the rest of the files after all. He sighed and shivered as he thought about it some more, before reaching in the bag once again.

When he put his hand in the bag he suddenly snatched it away, when he felt something rather sharp poke him.

It hurt alot!

Hide hissed as he drew his finger away, looking at his hand in shock. Whatever had poked him had been sharp enough to break through the skin, because the tip on his finger was beginning to bleed from the small cut that appeared there. He sucked on his finger a bit before cursing to himself.

“Damn it that hurt,” he mumbled. “What even was that?”

He decided to take a peek in the bag, when he noticed the sharp blade that was inside, along with a small book which was the last item in the bag. Hide whistled loudly as he picked up the blade, realizing it to be what looked like an old fashioned pocket knife of sorts. 

He examined it slowly, turning it as well to get a good look at the weapon in his hands. He had never held a weapon before, and he damn sure didn’t know how to use the damn knife.

“What am I supposed to..” he trailed off, before realizing that the weapon was for self defense.

Maybe?

But Hide was still unsure. He decided that he would use it for emergency purposes only. After going through the empty book in the bag Hide decided to tidy his items away. He did the knife in the master bedroom in the home, as well as the other items that Mao had given him.

After doing so, Hide sluggishly moved around the house, taking in the excitement that came with his new found freedom. He loved the way the home looked, it having more than enough room to house him and his babies.

There was even a television! Hide hadn’t seen one of those in years!

He stretched out his back, fighting sleep as he did so. He locked all of the doors in his new ‘home’, making sure not a window was open. The house was very welcoming, and Hide wondered if Mao really took the time out to make this special for him and the boys. The master bedroom was less decorated than the bedroom used for the children, as well as the living room being more basic. The kitchen had plenty of dishware for them to use, as well as a few of the special packages that Mao had mentioned.

No food for Hide though. 

Hide went and slumped in the chair once again, exhaustion taking over. He still couldn’t get over the fact that he was in a completely new stage of life. He was more confused than anything, not really what to do next.

Mao didn’t give him any information that actually made sense. He still didn’t know the real reason she had given him and his children the opportunity to leave the CCG. he placed his head in his lap for a moment, trying to calm himself down.

It was just all so much.

Hide would have fallen asleep the way he was, before he heard the tiny familiar voice of Hikaru fill the air.

“Mama?” 

Hide looked up, to see his little boy, peeking around the corner at him. Mao and Hide didn’t bother to dress the boys in proper pajamas, so Hikaru was still wearing the damp clothes he had been wearing since they left.

Hide looked up and plastered a smile on his face as he looked at his son. He held his arms out, motioning the boy to come to him.

“Hikaru, what are you still doing awake? I thought you were asleep.” he asked the little boy, who had decided to climb in Hide’s lap. The black and white haired child stuck out his tongue and fiddled with his little fingers.

“Mama’s not there, it’s weird.” he said sweetly

“Aww, you missed me? I thought you were a big boy, and didn’t need me to tuck you to sleep anymore?” Hide teased, kissing Hikaru’s cheek, who blushed.

“I-I never said that, mama!”

That was when Hide saw the Shou stumbling to him, rubbing his eyes and yawning. The white strands of hair were sticking every which way. Hikaru smiled when he saw his brother, clearly full of energy even when he should have been tired.

He reminded Hide of himself when he was a kid.

“Su-su! What are you doin’?” The elder child sang out, clearly wanting to get a reaction out of his moody younger brother. Shou didn’t reply though, but made a growl like noise in the back of his throat. Hide chuckled at the two, using his other arm to pick up Shou as well, then standing so that each of the children were hanging off his hip as he got up.

Shou laid his head on Hide’s shoulder, while Hikaru looked at his mother with a playful grin. Hide walked to the nearest window and looked out of it, watching the rain take over the outside. He could see a children's park a bit walking distance away, as well as a few small convenience stores. Hide was excited to take his kids on their first outing to the park!

“Mama, where did Mao go?” Hikaru suddenly asked.

“We won’t be seeing Mao anymore, are you okay with it just being me and your brothers now?” Hide replied, shifting Shou on his hip. Hikaru nodded his head rapidly, before poking Shou in his side.

“I’d like that very much please!” he said as his younger brother cut him a look promising destruction. “But can you sleep with us tonight mama?” 

Hide smiled, before turning on his heel and leaving to the bedroom. 

“Why wouldn’t I? Let’s go to bed, you guys must be tired right?”

After settling in the bed with the boys giving them all a goodnight kiss, Kou remaining asleep the whole time, Hide prepared to let his body rest for the rest of the night. He thought about tomorrow, and all of the things he had to do.

For the first time in a long time, Hide fell asleep with no regrets.

# # # #

Mao forced herself to move alongside the cliff, a cliff very well known for all of the suicides that had occurred there.

She remained lost in her thoughts as she wandered around aimlessly, seemingly with no desire to be there at all. More than ever, she thought about all of the events that happened to her in her life, and how her choices led her to make so many people miserable.

All of the lives she ruined. 

Now that she thought about it she commited her first murder at the age of 21, the victim being an elderly ghoul during one of her first outings as an investigator. Mao couldn’t know the exact number of lives she had taken, or the amount of families she had ruined. But she was glad she was able to save one from the reign of terror she and her former colleagues at the CCG had inflicted the most pain and suffering on.

Hide.

She felt ashamed.

She had ruined the boy's life even more than it was, especially knowing Hide’s background as a child. He had been raised in child care systems when his parents were murdered, once again by the CCG’s hands. Then the moment he had begun to get his life together, the CCG took something from him as well, this time it being his freedom.

Mao’s feet removed from one of the cliff's edges as she stood, thinking about her choices.

She didn’t expect her hateful views to change because of a small group of ghouls that perferred to eat suicide victims instead, nor did she expect the children she forced Hide to bear to give her second hopes.

Unfortunately, by helping Hide and the children escape she was officially a traitor in the CCG’s eyes. She would probably be killed, or even tortured for the whereabouts of the four. Her body swayed as she looked down the cliff, the place where she would ultimately find peace.

Her thoughts were eating at her, thinking about all of the lives she had taken, but also how proud she was to save an innocent family from a life of terror. A single tear rolled down her cheek and she gulped.

She jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting two days in a row?? me?? okay so i actually began chapter two the same day i finished chapter 1, and everything is actually easier for me to write because I have chapters planned out. I only posted this because I just couldn't help myself, Im just so excited to get this story going c:
> 
> so to clarify, yes Mao is dead, unlike the original where we don't really know what happened to that character. I made her difficult, especially leaving poo Hide to LITERALLY do everything on his own. He's just so confused :c AND THE KNIFE!! The knife will be important later I swear. I just hope everyone is enjoying this so far.
> 
> I also would like to apologize for this chapter being kind of short at only about 3,500 words or so, compared to the first chapter that was 5,000 ( i think). i'm taking things kind of slow paced, but i assure you wont be disappointed!! please tell me what you think in comments, i really enjoy the feedback! Until chapter 3, which will hopefully be sooner than later :)


	3. iii. changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and the children adjust to the changes and spend more quality time together as a result. After his first outing with Shou, Hide deals with his own personal mental health issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I know im late for this chapter but I have an explanation in the bottom notes :'D I hope everyone enjoys this update, because things are gonna get interesting soon!

Hide woke up from his sleep groggy, the reason he woke being from a sudden kick to the knee. 

When he cracked his eyes open he noticed the strange position he was in, as well as unrecognized the place that he was currently laying. That was before he thought about the day before, and relaxed before he could start panicking.

He was in a home.

His new home.

Yawning and stretching slightly, Hide did his best to untangle himself from the hold of his children. Shou was laid on his side with his mouth slacked open and drool hanging out the side, while Kou laid his head against his twin's backside. The little boy slept in a fetal position, the blanket covering half of his face.

Then there was Hikaru.

The eight year old laid in a very strange position, and somehow made it near the end of the bed in his sleep. Hide realized that it might’ve been Hikaru that had kicked him out of his precious sleep, but he didn’t complain. After all, the boys deserved to enjoy the sleep that had been stolen from them the night prior.

Moving as slowly and steady as to not wake his sleeping children, Hide finally made it out of the bedroom and sluggishly made his way to the bathroom. 

He looked at himself in the mirror for a bit, shocked at the way he had grown. There were no good mirrors in the CCG, the only mirror being in the bathroom which was for some reason too blurry to see that well out of.

Hide sucked in his bottom lip as he observed himself, trying to find things that he liked about himself.

But he couldn’t.

His once sun kissed skin was rather pale, and his shaggy brown hair had reached near his shoulders. He had black rings under his eyes as well, and his face had never looked so thin. Before Hide had been taken to the CCG, he tried to maintain his looks as much as possible. Especially living in a poor group home for most of his youth, Hide made sure to take good care of himself when he was old enough to leave.

He sighed and pulled at his dirty sweater. After using one of the unopened toothbrushes to brush his teeth, Hide made his way to the kitchen. He decided that he would try new things with his children, after all he now had money to spend.

He could get Shou more books, and Kou a new stuffed plush!

Hide was even willing to attempt and find a new sock puppet for Hikaru, who questioned him about his old puppet that remained in the CCG.

Hide couldn’t figure out his son's fascination for those damn things, but if Hikaru was happy then he was too.

After he brushed his teeth Hide decided to start cleaning out bowls and such, reminding himself that he wouldn’t be eating with his boys as usual this morning. Mao had left food only for the boys, not a thing in there that Hide could eat.

And as much as his kids tried to advertise their food, Hide would rather not try and eat chunks of human meat. 

As he continued to clean, Hide thought about how he would leave the house to get essential items. He didn’t want to take the boys out in public just yet, but he also knew that he really needed to eat. After finally wiping down the table tops and counters, Hide began to prepare the boys food in plastic bowls. He had a feeling they would want to eat as soon as they woke up.

“Mama,” a tiny familiar voice spoke quickly, as if they were trying to be sneaky. 

When Hide turned around to see who it was, he caught the quick glimpse of Hikaru trying to peek around the corner, then going back around it and hiding when Hide turned his head. Hide snickered quietly, deciding to play along.

“I wonder who that was, my babies are all sleeping..” he said sweetly, hearing a small giggle from the child whom Hide finally realized was trying to either prank him or scare him.

After a minute of silence, Hikaru jumped from behind the corner, jumping and putting his hands in the air.

“Boo!” 

Hide jumped back when the child yelled the words in hopes of scaring him, even pulling a mock hurt expression of fear.

“Hikaru! How could you!” he yelped. “Are you trying to scare me to death?” 

The smaller boy chuckled evilly at the accomplishment of scaring his poor mother, and walked towards Hide.

“Haha I scared you!” he boasted, hugging his Hide’s leg. “But I don’t think I was too scary, so you won't die. Kay’ mama?” he assured.

Hide chuckled and began to wash the blood off of his hands from the packaged meat. “What are you doing awake hm? Are you okay?” he questioned the little boy on his leg. He felt Hikaru rub his head against his leg in a nodding motion.

“I heard you wake up but I wanted to lay down some more. I had a really scary dream last night too..” the boy trailed on, before letting go of Hide’s leg and walked towards the window in the living room. Hide flinched as he dried his hands.

Hikaru had a nightmare? 

Hide frowned and went next to his son in the window. It always worried him when the children had nightmares. Hide looked out of the curtain and saw the light rain that sprinkled outside. It seemed that it would never be sunny.

“Do you wanna talk to me about it this time? It’s just me and you so you won't have to worry.” Hide asked sweetly and rubbed the child's back. The boy made a sound to match the shaking of his head.

“No thank you.”

“Okay.”

Hide turned around as he heard more footsteps that signaled him of his other children. He smiled sadly as he saw Shou and Kou walk in together, yawning and rubbing their eyes. Kou was dragging his feet as he followed his younger twin.

Hikaru’s face lit up as he ran to greet his brothers. Hide decided that meant it was time to set the tables.

Hikaru poked Kou in the forehead as the boy swatted his hands away. The black haired child whined as his head was getting aggressively poked by his older brother.

“Ehhhh,” he whined. “It’s too early Hikaru onii-chan. Poke Su-san instead!”

At the mention of his nickname made specifically by his twin, Shou turned and gave a dark look to the both of them. He sat down sluggishly as his bowl was sat in front of him. The other children followed suit, and when the three of them all were eating Hide sat down on one of the chairs at the table.

Shou looked at Hide up and down, before speaking with his mouth full.

“Are you going to eat too, mama?” 

Hide balked out of his thoughts, and ruffled the child's snowy white locs.

“I’ll eat later today okay? I promise we’ll eat together tonight.” he assured, watching the child look down and shrug his shoulders, continuing to eat.

The children were used to Hide eating his own food when they were eating as well, and always asked Hide if he was hungry when he didn’t eat with them. They had sometimes gone as far as offering their meat, which Hide politely declined every time. 

Hide decided to speak up to the boys about the new adjustment they were slowly moving into, and tell them about how they were able to do new things now that they ‘moved out’ of the CCG. Hide would go over a few house rules as well, ones that would apply in such a big new home. He also planned to bathe and clean them up after they ate, as well as Hide himself.

They were going to have a family movie day today too, hooray!

“Do you guys like the new house?” he decided to say first. All three of them nodded.

“It’s awesome!” Hikaru squealed.

“It’s strange, but I like it.” Kou said softly.

“Its meh.” was Shou’s simple input.

Hide smiled and continued. “It will be only us now okay? We won’t see anybody from the past anymore. Just me and you guys now.”

“Not Mao or the mean doctors anymore?” Kou questioned.

Hide nodded as he got up and began picking up empty bowls. He put them in the sink and smiled as he continued.

“Nope!” he cheerfully said. “We’ll be going on a lot of cool adventures too. We're going to have a lot of fun at our new house, and i’ll go over some of the new house rules after bath time!”

Hide chuckled as his children groaned. They hated the water, acting like the action was a disease.

“Aww.” 

Hide smiled as he officially began his day.

# # # #

It was one in the afternoon when Hide and the children finished cleaning and such.

Hide had decided to bathe all three of them at once to go on quicker today, but promised individual baths from then on after. The children brushed their teeth with more of the unused toothbrushes that were left with them. The house already came provided with so many of the things Hide had needed, such as soap and other necessary house essentials.

He thanked Mao for her considerateness.

He combed their hair as well, making it look decent. Hikaru had chosen a simple green short sleeve shirt and pants, unlike the twins who gave Hide a hard time on what clothes to wear. Both Shou and Kou enjoyed dressing the same, but Kou claimed to be cold and wanted to wear a sweater. Shou on the other hand wanted to wear a short sleeve.

They finally settled on a red sweater much to Shou’s dismay, but they were dressed nicely at the end of the small argument.

After the children were all taken care of, Hide marched to the living room with them following close behind. He decided to show them how the TV worked, and turn on one of the children's movies that were stacked on top of it. He thought if they were occupied, it would be a bit easier to get in the shower himself.

They children huddled around Hide as he spoke to them about the TV, to which they were amazed. 

“What does it do?” Hikaru asked wearily.

“Just watch the magic.” Hide said proudly, before moving to press the button on the small TV. Hikaru and the twins watched, waiting for the ‘magic’ to happen.

Hikaru let out a yelp and the twins held onto both each other and their older brother as the static from the television filled their ears. Hide let out a hearty laugh at the reactions, it was just too cute.

“H-How’d it do that?” Shou somewhat demanded, staring at his mother as if he was a witch. Hide chuckled as he sorted through the small stack of movies.

“Told you i'm a magician!”

Hide and the children eventually settled down when Hide put on a Disney film that Hide adored when he was around their age. “The Princess and The Frog” was the name of the movie, and the boys were absolutely entranced by the cartoon. 

It seemed time went by as Hide stood from his spot on the couch. 

They were in the middle of the movie, where soon to be princess Tiana and her friends were making their way through a swamp. Hikaru was worried about “the pretty princess” while Shou and Kou were worried about the ‘voodoo man’ catching up to the group.

Hide stretched as he stood, making his way to the fridge. It was dark outside now, and small droplets of rain could be heard from the open window.

It didn’t click until Hide searched through the cabinets that he didn’t make it to the store yet. He sighed and rubbed his growling stomach, before looking back to where his boys layed on the couch. 

He really didn’t want to interrupt their first movie date, nor did he want to drag them out in the rain.

But he was also really hungry…

Hide turned on his heels and made a noise, his children turning to look at him when he did so. The brunette put on a goofy grin, before rubbing the back of his neck shamefully.

“So boys, there's actually no food in here for mama and uh.. There's actually a store around the corner so..” Hide stopped and let out a sheepish laugh as his children glared at him. That was when Shou moved from his spot on the couch and began tugging on his mama’s pant leg, clearly wanting Hide’s attention.

“I wanna go with you mama,” he said in his usual soft raspy voice. “please.” he added.

Hide got on one knee to become Shou’s height so as not to tower over the child, and ruffled the boy's hair.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he asked.

“Yes please, mama.”

“What about the movie? Don’t you wanna find out if Tiana and Neveen are going to be stuck as frogs or not?” Hide asked his youngest son, as the child buried his face in his knee.

“I’ll watch it over again. I wanna go with mama, please.” the little boy said louder this time, clearly not liking Hide’s questioning.

“Okay Shou, looks like we're going on an adventure!”

“Adventure? I like those.” the boy nodded.

Hide quickly slipped on his shoes and a hoodie before dressing his baby for the outside weather, getting a red raincoat and boots for Shou to wear. He also grabbed a stack of the money from the envelope. After getting ready to go Hide cleared his voice again.

He was nervous.

This would be the first time Hide had ever taken a trip to the store on his own in years, as well as Shou’s very first time around other people who weren’t the CCG. He wanted this to go right, as well as get home as quickly as possible to his other children. After all, he didn’t want to leave Hikaru, an eight year old in charge of watching a seven year old for too long.

It was worrying.

“Okay boys, you all know the rules, remember?”

Hikaru raised his hand, waving it in the air. “Ooh! Pick me! Pick me please!”

Hide pointed at Hikaru, who glowed. 

“No opening the doors or going outside on your own ever! And no fighting while mama’s gone.”

“Don’t run too fast in the hallway.” He added.

“Don’t annoy each other.” Kou giggled, earning a gasp from his elder brother.

Hide chuckled too, before grabbing Shou’s hand and opening the door.

“Good job boys, I promise Shou and I will be back before you know it.” He nodded at his children.

After saying his goodbyes once more Hide and Shou began to walk down the stairs and to their destination.

As they walked Shou pointed out small things that he liked to Hide, it being a rare time where the usually quiet boy was being talkative. Hide didn’t complain, and answered any of the questions his child handed him.

“What's that, mama?” He said, pointing at what Hide remembered was an old fashioned newspaper slot. The tiny blue box full of news was a shock to Hide, who hadn’t seen one in what seemed like decades.

“That's a mail bin, sweetheart. It gives newspapers for a coin.” he explained the best he could.

Hide was trying to refresh his memory on the basic things from the outside world. His memory was fuzzy from the long period of captivity, but Hide was able to try to remember things from the past. He enjoyed the strange yet new feeling, still not used to being on his own.

He worried about a CCG member recognizing his or Shou’s faces, and hid both of their heads with their hoods.

Hide didn’t trust the woman that granted his freedom in the slightest, for all he knew this area could be swarming with investigators.

So Hide made sure to make him and his children add disguise to their appearances.

The two walked closer to the store, nearing its entrance before Hide’s body crashed into another person.

Shou’s hand gripped onto Hide’s as the two stopped and looked at the person they had bumped into. Their face was concealed by a dark shadow in the person's hood, but had a eerie smile on their face as they looked at the mother and child.

“Excuse me sir, my apologies.” the man said, his voice having somewhat of a french accent.

Hide smiled, and bowed his head, not noticing the growling sounds that seemed to be coming from his son. 

“Your child is cute, tres mignon.” the man said, the last words spoken in a different language before bowing his head and walking away.

Hide smiled and let out a nervous chuckle at the stranger's questionable attitude, but accepted the compliment to his child nonetheless. That was when he felt Shou tug him inside the store, yanking him from his spot in front of the store door.

Hide looked at his son, worried from the expression his child had. It was dark, as if the baby was beyond pissed for some reason. Hide didn’t even have to ask his child what was wrong before the boy spoke his mind.

“He smelled funny. I didn’t like it.” he said darkly, as Hide grabbed the rather large hand basket and began his journey deeper in the store.

“Funny?” Hide questioned. “How so?”

“Not good.” the child muttered with a shake of his head.

That was the only thing Hide could say he wished he could change about Shou. The white haired boy was always very quiet and hardly ever voiced his opinions. But whenever the child did speak, it never made sense directly to what he was talking about.

Squeezing Shou’s hand who looked up at him, Hide gave a reassuring nod to his child.

“I didn’t smell anything, but let's not worry about that right now. Were on an adventure right?” he asked the little boy, who nodded.

“Then lets go! You can be my little helper okay?”

The words seemed to please the little boy who nodded and waited for Hide to go to their first destination in the store.

It was pretty big to be a corner store, which Hide hoped meant that he would be able to buy more than just food here. The two walked through the isles together, Shou asked questions about the things he saw every so often. Hide first collected food that would last him a while, such as boxed goods, rice, and a few canned goods.

There were quite a few people in the store with them, which Hide felt slightly fearful of. 

What if someone recognized him and his son?

His thoughts then trailed on to Hikaru and Kou, and how they were still at home waiting for him. He moved quicker when he thought of them being by themselves for such a long period of time, and moved quicker to get all of the items he desired. Shou made a face as Hide put some tomatoes and green peppers into their basket.

“What? I can’t eat my vegetables?” Hide joked with a chuckle, his son furring his eyebrows as he made a face.

“It’s so gross. But you like them, so I will try to like them, too.” the boy mumbled, earning a laugh from one of the other shoppers close by. Shou looked at the woman with a flustered expression, before she spoke.

“He’s adorable sir, reminds me of my own son.” she said to Hide, who nervously chuckled, before quickly grabbing the rest of his things. He could feel his anxiety sky-rocketing, and his chest felt like it was beginning to tighten.

“T-Thank you so much. Um, Su-su lets go to the next aisle okay?” 

Hide awkwardly waved at the lady, who didn’t seem to notice how panicked Hide was.

Shou continued to look back at her as he was dragged to the meat section.

“Mama?”

“Hm?” Hide replied while picking up some chicken and beef packs.

“She smelled nice.”

Hide looked down at his child, who stared at the woman who spoke to him. She of course, didn’t notice his piercing silver eyes staring at the back of her head.

Hide frowned, his gut telling him that Shou’s behavior probably had something to do with the child's inner ghoul. After all, didn’t ghouls have heightened senses? Shou had picked out ‘good smelling people’ and ‘bad smelling people’, and it didn’t leave Hide with positive thoughts.

Hide decided that his arm basket was full enough, and after grabbing some milk he decided to see what else he could find in the store. Perhaps he could find the boys some art supplies? Or a pack of uno cards to play with?

He might be able to find another hand puppet for Hikaru, his precious baby!

Hide and Shou walked around the isles of non food related items intensely, Shou humming a small tune. Before Hide could give up, it seemed Shou found what Hide had on his mind.

“Toys.” the child said simply, pointing at the isle with a blank expression.

Hide let out a small victory sound, before patting his baby on the back.

“Good eye Shou! Let's go see what presents we can bring home for you and your brothers.” 

Shou nodded rapidly and followed Hide to the aisle full of things that the child had never really seen before. Of course they had small items at the CCG that they were given as rewards, but these items were like magic in Shou’s eyes.

Standing on his tippy toes, the white haired child picked up a stuffed eagle plush, looking at it intensely. Hide was placing crayons, markers, and other coloring things into the basket when he noticed his son.

“Do you want that plushie, Su-san?”

“Not.. for me,” he muttered. “Gift for Kou. He likes b-birds.” the boy stammered, the last word coming out in a stutter. That one time Shou gave a rare small smile to his mother. Hide felt his heart melt at the thoughtful gesture his son made.

“Okay, we can get this gift for Kou. What do you think we should get Hikaru, hm? You can pick his gift too.” 

Shou placed the plushie in the basket, before looking around seriously. Hide smiled at the cute display his son put on, happy that Shou was communicating with him again. Shou was a naturally quiet child, so it pleased Hide every time the boy tried to come out of his shell.

“I found the best gift for onii-chan, he will be happy with this.” the boy suddenly said, quickly grabbing an item off the shelf and showing his mother. Hide’s eyes widened at the discovery, surprised that they were even able to find the item at the store.

“It's another Hansel! Good job Shou!” he praised, grabbing the new and improved sock puppet that resembled the one that Hikaru was forced to abandon when they left the CCG the day before.

It was a red sock puppet, with glassy eyes stitched into it. The mouth was upturned into a smile, a fake tongue cheekily sticking out of the mouth as well. It was definitely something Hide was going to buy, excited to see Hikaru’s face at the new and improved puppet.

“Hikaru is going to love it! Now that we found a few things for your brothers, what do you want as your gift? Whatever you want mama will get you, kay’?” Hide said sweetly as he put the puppet into the cart.

Shou sighed before shaking his head.

“I want..” he trailed off. “A chapter book.” he said, before shooting a pleading look to his mother. “Please.”

Hide smiled, before grabbing Shou’s hand and walking further down the aisle, where the books and beauty supplies were.

“Let’s find you a new book! You can pick out two that you want, okay?” 

“Okay!” 

Shou let go of his hand and went to where the books on the shelf were, beginning to inspect and look for the books he wanted. That was when a shiny yellow box caught Hide’s eye, and the brunette picked it up with shaky hands.

It was blonde hair dye, nothing too strange.

Hide thought about it, before instinctively throwing it into the basket. He thought of this idea to be his ‘disguise’ and help his current situation. It would be his first time doing something like this, but Hide had always wondered how it would be to have colored hair.

“Mama?” 

Hide looked at Shou, who held two books into his hands. They both had rather dark images on the cover, with one book having a black cat on the cover and the other being a scary looking girl with a white dress.

“You want those ones?”

Shou nodded mutely.

“Put em’ in the basket, then we can get in line and go home to your brothers.” 

The little boy placed the books into the basket, then latching onto Hide’s arm.

They walked to the rather short line, getting behind an elderly man with a basket. The man went quickly, before eventually it was Hide’s turn to pay for his items.

The cashier was a pretty young lady with clearly dyed red hair, with cherry red lipstick that matched. Hide shuddered as she began scanning his items, hoping that she wouldn’t say anything extra to him. Shou was standing on his toes, watching the woman scan his mama’s basket with wide eyes.

“Aren’t you a cute little thing,” she said sweetly to the boy, smiling at him before making eye contact with Hide.

“Little brother or nephew?” she asked.

Hide gulped before speaking, trying not to let his anxiety get the best of him. He wasn’t good at talking with people, especially not girls!

“N-No, he’s my son, heh.” he stammered, trying to keep his voice light. 

The lady looked Hide up and down before letting out a sigh of what seemed like pity, then smiling again at him.

“Your son? He’s adorable!” she said, before looking at Shou who blushed at the sudden attention.

“T-Thank you, I think you're adorable, too.” the little boy said in his little voice, a blush spread on his pale cheeks as he complimented the woman. Hide gasped at his son, who looked confused. 

Did he do something wrong? He thought his mama would be proud if he was nice. Hm..

The woman let out a laugh and her own blush spread across her face as she looked from Shou to Hide.

“He’s a smart boy that's for sure, better be careful when he gets older. If you know what I mean.” Hide let out a chuckle at the words, looking down at Shou with an amused smile.

The woman finally finished scanning their items and gave Hide the total, who paid in cash.

“Bye sir, bye cutie! I hope to see you guys shop here again!” 

That was when Hide and Shou successfully collected their bags, walking out of the store.

“I didn’t know you were such a chick magnet, Su-san. Remind me to bring you with me again next time, okay?” Hide joked as they walked.

It had stopped raining, but there were still puddles all over the ground.

“Okay,” was the child's simple answer, clearly not understanding his mother's joke.

“Let's go back home to Kou and Hikaru so you can give their presents.”

With that being said, Shou began to walk quicker with excitement, Hide walking smooth behind him.

Hide didn’t notice the silhouette figure next to the dumpster watching them, either.

# # # #

Hide opened the door to his home with the spare key, him and Shou catching the other two children giggling about something. They were huddled on the floor, Hikaru’s laugh being distinctive from Kou’s. The little boy sounded like a little hyena, laughing his ass off.

“What’re you guys doing?”

“Mama!”

The children greeted their mother and brother, Kou going to Shou’s side almost immediately. Hikaru tugged on Hide’s sleeve, who was setting his grocery bags on the floor. Hide looked at Shou, who smiled.

“You can give your brothers their presents, Shou. I'm gonna put the groceries away.”

Show fiddled with his hands before realizing his twin was shaking him, wanting his attention.

“Su-san! You didn’t even hear my joke.” the boy whined. “You're so mean to me.”

Shou mumbled an apology, before Hikaru went to join them.

“Shou, Kou,” he dragged out, wrapping Kou in a hug.

Shou quickly grabbed the bags containing the items he was asked to give his brothers. The child decided to give his elder brother his gift first, eager to see Hikaru smile over the items he picked out. 

He hoped his beloved brother liked it.

“Hikaru onii-chan,” he mumbled, grabbing the puppet and pushing it into the olders face. 

“I hope you like your gift.” he said with a smile, as Hikaru grabbed the sock puppet with awe. Hide heard everything while putting the meats away, and smiled to himself at the friendly bonding the brothers were enjoying.

“F-For me, you said?” Hikaru wetly said, his eyes filling with tears. Shou nodded, before embracing his older brother in a hug, Kou followed suit in seeing his older brother so happy he was reduced to tears.

The twins loved their older brother, even if Hikaru did annoying things or bullied them sometimes. They were family, and the twins knew that they could count on Hikaru as their second choice if they couldn’t confide in their mama.

“Thanks guys! I love it so much!”

Hide stood slouched against the wall with his hands on his hips and a smile on his face as his boys had a group hug. 

It was so cute.

They released from the hug, and Shou tapped Kou’s shoulder. The black haired twin looked as the younger picked up the eagle plush from the bag.

“I know you like to sleep with things.. So I got you a plushie. I know you like birds, too.” Shou said with a sheepish smile. Kou burst into giggles as he picked up the plushie.

“I gotta feel you picked this because you're tired of me using you as a plushie when we sleep,” the little boy said cheekily as he held his prize. He did in fact love birds, and he always felt the urge to hold something whenever he was sleeping. 

It was the worst when he had nightmares.

Kou found comfort in his younger twin, because not only was Shou a good listener but..

They had the same nightmares, too.

They all did.

“Do ya’ like it?” the white haired boy asked sheepishly, as if he was expecting his twin to say no. Instead, Kou gave him a hug, whispering something Hide and Hikaru couldn’t hear. Whatever it was seemed to please Shou though, who glowed.

Hide couldn’t hold his silence anymore. He walked over and hugged all three of them at once, surprising them.

“Mama! You totally scared me.” Hikaru squeaked from his position in the bear hug. 

“I ‘totally’ scared you?” Hide chuckled.

“Totally.”

The small family laughed among themselves, the children waiting for their mothers next request.

“Alright boys, let's eat and get ready for bed yeah?”

The boys cheered.

They were excited to eat with their mama.

# # # #

Hide stood in the mirror for quite a while after he dried his hair.

He admired his features, more specifically the new color that he sported on his head.

He was blonde now.

Hide had decided to do everything in the shower, to conserve water even though he technically didn’t have to. The now blonde shook out his hair, admiring how nice the color looked on him.

It made him feel like a new person.

Other than the fading scars on his body from childbirth Hide thought he looked decent. He inspected the tiniest marks, seeing just how fucked up he had been during his time in captivity. He put on his pajamas and frowned in the mirror, moving his hair out of the way with a few bobby pins.

He would have to cut it soon.

He turned off the light and retreated to his personal bedroom, where he decided he would start sleeping if his children didn’t need him at night. A simply flopped on the bed, before slowly crawling underneath the covers.

His thoughts drifted to his behavior in public today, as well as how Shou acted.

He wished he wasn’t so shy now, not even being able to look at people in the eye without flinching. He thought about his actions, wondering if Shou was embarrassed by his mother's behavior in public.

He wanted to be better for his children.

He enjoyed the adventure they had however, happy that he was able to get his dinner that he ate about an hour before. He made something simple, chicken and a small bowl of rice. It was delicious, even if Hide felt like he was going to ruin it by either under seasoning the meat or over seasoning the meat.

Maybe he was a bad cook, and just ate it because that was his first home cooked meal in years.

Hide sighed, before closing his eyes, trying to remove himself from his thoughts. He didn’t mean to seem so depressed..

But he felt lost.

And alone.

He had been tempted many times to look at the information on his children's ghoulish father, but was scared to death from Mao’s words to not seek the man out.

Before Hide could get more emotional, he heard tiny footsteps going to his room. He looked up, to see Hikaru in his Pokemon pajamas, looking at Hide. The little boy looked blank strangely, not saying anything for a good minute.

“Hi.” he whispered, as if he was scared.

Hide motioned his son to come to him, who didn’t take the encouragement lightly. Hikaru climbed in Hide’s bed, settling on the spot next to his mother. Hide turned and faced the boy, and gave him a hug instinctively.

“Can I sleep with mama tonight?” the boy mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

“Of course honey, lets go to sleep.”

Hide didn’t question his son's behavior, but instead allowed his son to cuddle into his chest. He rubbed the boy's back as he laid on his side, humming a lullaby to soothe whatever the child was feeling.

Hide took a deep breath as sleep consumed him as well.

He couldn’t worry about his own thoughts right now, nor could he worry about things related to the files he was given.

His children needed him more than he needed himself, and it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooo our boy Hide is going through it! I just wanna give him a hug and a cookie ;3;
> 
> I really hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! I was supposed to post this on saturday, but work and stuff has been piling up on me :'( my teacher has been assigning multiple assignments as well as sending packets to my home, and I really don't want to get too behind. I tried to continue my goal of 300 words per day, but I still ended up a little short on this chapter. Eventually, I was able to finish and now here's the new chapter! 
> 
> I really love writing Hikaru's character (Hiro), as I made his personality more similar to his mama's than his ghoul fathers. Shou is a confused little shit, and Kou is just so sweet. I love writing this story and I appreciate all of the comments I've been getting! Just letting everyone know that I do not plan to abandon this fic like others have, and it's part of the reason I started writing my own version of the story, because I think this deserves an ending.
> 
> Anyways, I hope everyone understands the struggle Im going through to keep updating on weekends. But if I dont please do not worry, because at least once a month this story will be updated, and thats a goal. Please continue to comment! I love hearing everyones thoughts, as well as ideas! Also please note that I don't have a Beta reader, so it takes time for that too. 
> 
> Until next time!


	4. iv. a rocky start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide's life takes turns as he begins to leave the house more, with accidents taking place left and right.

Hide didn’t leave his home for a long time since his first trip to the convenience store.

He had spent plenty of time with his children, also keeping up recent news and such on the television. There were no CCG warrants out for his and the childrens capture, as if they were trying to keep it all a secret.

Hide realized it was because the Japanese civilians didn’t actually know about the experimentation's the CCG committed, or any of the acts of crime against humanity they had done.

But why would they reveal such dark truth to the public? The naive public people who believed that the CCG were all heros to be praised in their service if mass execution of the ghoul communities?

That wouldn’t be a very good look for the CCG.

Hide was sure that he was self isolated in his home with the children for at least a month, the small amount of food being able to keep him steady in the on going days. He had contemplated leaving the home to allow his children to sight-see, and hopefully find a few places that they enjoyed.

Perhaps a bookstore? After all, everyone of his children loved to read, and were incredibly smart for their age. Hide also knew that there was a children's park that was located a few blocks away from their apartment complex, since he and Shou had passed it when they went to the convenience store that single time.

Hide had contemplated letting his children play at the park, and hopefully make friends with the other children that were seen there. 

But he was nervous, fearful that the CCG would swoop down on them somehow, and drag them back.

He also knew how his children could get. That made him think about what Mao had mentioned to him the day she dropped them off.

Would they release their kagune soon? What did they even look like?

Hide had mostly feared his children having an outburst in public, and unintentionally bringing out their kagune. But Hide wasn’t even quite sure how they were able to activate their kagune, and debated searching for a book about ghoul biology.

But he didn’t want to get ignorant biased opinions from writers, either.

The children asked Hide more questions on leaving the home, especially when Shou shared his experience at the store with his brothers. They had pleaded to their mother to take them outside on an ‘adventure’, Hikaru even vowing to stop with his comedic antics.

After more pleading from his children, Hide gave in.

Hide and the children had left on the first Friday of the next month, officially ending their self isolation period.

Deciding to start off slow, Hide first took all three of them to the convenience store he and Shou had visited together before. The same clerk that had seen Hide and Shou the first time was working, also being the person to ring up the items Hide had decided to get.

Just like Shou, the woman found Hikaru and Kou both charming and adorable.

They learned her name was Natsuko, whom Hikaru had nicknamed “Nat-Nat” the first time they met.

Hide had been secretly getting information from Natsuko too, on recent events and such. It helped him make a list of rules Hide decided he would follow to keep him and his boys safe. Hide hated to admit it, but his paranoia had been getting the best of him.

He constantly looked over his shoulder, always checking his surroundings even if he was in the comfort of his own apartment.

Hide vowed that he would die before he allowed the CCG to take him and his children away again. 

After Hide and the children visited the store a few times together, he decided to take them to the nearby plaza that led into the busy city. They had been to the bookstore the most, the shop being the boys favorite place out of all of them.

Hikaru mostly read funny children's books, and even a few mangas that were age appropriate as well. Hide could already tell that the child would most definitely be into anime when he got a bit older, no doubt about it. 

Kou enjoyed fantasy and action type books, as well as fairy tales. The ravenette boy had told Hide once before that he wanted to be brave, like the knights and swordsman in his books. It made Hide’s heart melt every time, especially since Kou didn’t believe he was as strong as his siblings.

Though it was only slightly true to Hide, who simply reassured the boy he was more in touch with his emotions and that it was okay.

Shou on the other hand, had read things that Hide had considered at times.. Disturbing.

The little boy was always more than happy to read things about historic wars, spirits, and even attempted to allow Hide to let him read books by authors like Takatsuki Sen. Hide had read one of her books when he was in college all those years ago, and her works were too deep for Hide’s liking.

Hide had been.. Slightly worried about his youngest child as well, more specifically on how the boy had acted so darkly. Unlike his brothers, Shou seemed to be more in tune with his ghoulish side if that made sense. The boy often managed to have deep conversations with Hide, as if the boy knew how his mother was exactly feeling.

Even the rather depressing thoughts and feelings.

It worried Hide that his son was so in touch with the realities of the world, especially the discrimination against ghouls in society.

Shou knew about it all.

But Hide loved all of his children, and was beginning to enjoy the small outings they began to have together. The small adventures also meant that Hide was running low on cash, which was a bit of a problem.

But oh well, he would figure everything out soon. 

He had a feeling his life was going to take a turn, and simply waited for everything to fall into place.

# # # # # 

Hikaru peeked around the corner, trying his hardest to stifle the tiny giggles that escaped his mouth.

He was the first one to wake up again, and had gotten tired of staring at the ceiling from waiting on his poor mother to wake up. This wasn’t the first time Hikaru had woken up first and waited on his mother, however he had gotten tired on this particular day and decided to wake his mother himself.

That was what he was doing now, slowly moving into his mother's room to awake him. Though the little boy felt a bit bad, considering he noticed the sudden change in his mother's feelings. Hikaru could somewhat ‘smell’ the particular emotions of others, especially his mothers and younger brothers the best. His mother had smelled a bit bitter recently, the smell reeking of what Hikaru could only recognize as agony.

Hikaru stood near his mother's face for a bit, admiring the new color hair that his mother had sported. It reminded him of sunshine, and thought it looked very nice.

Yellow was one of his favorite colors, too.

But before Hikaru could pull his super funny prank to wake his mama, his mama scared him first!

Hikaru let out a loud yelp when he tumbled backwards, Hide surprising the child by springing up and letting out a loud yell.

“Ahahaha! I got you first Hikaru!” the now blonde laughed out, holding his stomach in laughter.

Hide giggled as his oldest son attempted to tackle him in the bed, but instead ended up burying his face in Hide’s night shirt.

“Mama,” he groaned cheekily, getting wrapped into a hug by his mother. “I wanted to wake you up today, no fair!”

“I heard your footsteps love, they were too loud.” the blonde said with a cheeky grin. “But i'm sure that you’ll totally get me next time.

Hikaru looked up with a pout, “You think so?”

“I know so honey, you're the funniest guy I know! Now let's go get ready for breakfast, we’re all going on another adventure today.

“Hooray!”

The two left the bed, leaving for the bathroom. Hide rubbed his eyes as he and Hikaru brushed their teeth together, humming a sweet melody that he couldn’t quite remember the name of. After five minutes, the duo left for the kitchen, Hikaru becoming quite talkative as Hide both listened to his son and planned their day at the same time.

On this particular day, Hide decided he would take the boys to both the nearby park and the bookstore as a bonus. He wanted the children to get more active since they had been in the house so much. At the CCG the boys would do an hour of physical education with the doctors, though Hide never really knew what the activity was.

He was never allowed to accompany the children when the doctors wanted them for testing and such.

Hide nodded his head as Hikaru spoke his mind, preparing the human flesh in sections and placing them in the bowls. The blonde ears perked up as he listened closely to Hikaru talk about his brothers.

“Su-san was being soooo’ mean to me,” the black and white haired child pouted, poking out his lip for the effect. “I didn’t even do anything to him that time!”

Hide hummed as he thought about it.

“Did you tell him that he hurt your feelings? I’m sure he would have apologized afterwards if he knew that he was hurting you.”

“No..” the child trailed off before going to his place at the table. They had finished placing the bowls, and were waiting for the twins to get up so that they could eat. Hide was going to eat a banana muffin he had bought from the store for breakfast, as well as a can of cold coffee that he had bought.

“Next time,” Hide began. “You should say something. You guys are brothers, there's no need to be upset at each other.”

“Because besides me you only have one another.” he added.

Hikaru nodded his head as he turned around, and Hide heard footsteps coming their way. The twins dragged their feet as they walked in, Kou with his eyes half closed. Shou on the other hand, just had an angry scowl on his face.

Hide smiled as he saw his babies.

“Good morning my little angels! How’d ya’ sleep?” 

Kou let out a strange purr like noise before replying in a sleepy voice, “G’morning.. Mama.. onii-chan. I slept good..” he said sleepily, but Hide could tell the ravenette was happy this morning.

Shou on the other hand let out a huff, “Good morning, mama. Sleep.. Was okay.”

Hide smiled and nodded as the twins sat down. After Hide took a sip from his canned coffee, the boys began to eat. It was strange, and the blonde didn’t understand why they preferred to eat after he had started his own food. 

They ate in silence for a bit, Hide taking small bites of his muffin as he thought about the day he planned. Hide didn’t like the idea, but he knew that he would have to find some type of work to make more money for his family. 

That also meant that he would need to find a babysitter, though Hide really didn’t want to. But he wouldn’t leave Hikaru, an eight year old in charge of two seven year olds.

It just wasn’t a good idea, especially since his conversation with the eldest child this morning.

He wanted to go to the bookstore and hopefully find some information on ghouls, anything that could help him understand his children better. 

Especially since Shou had indeed become a bit.. More aggressive than usual.

He would buy the children some books too, all of their choice.

“Today we’re going to the and the bookstore,” he began. He smiled as he heard Hikaru let out a happy noise.

“Does that sound good?” Hide listened to their replies, his children speaking from oldest to youngest.

“So much fun!”

“Can’t wait!”

“How fun.”

Hide frowned a bit at Shou’s unenthusiastic reply, but continued nonetheless.

“So, after breakfast go wash up. I’ll have clothes laid out on the bed, and y'all can shower at night today.”

For the first time in a long time, all three of them spoke together. 

“Okay!”

Hide nodded his head as his children finished up their food and placed the dishes in the sink while going to do as they were told. The blonde shook away the dark thoughts from his head, about Shou’s recent behavior. He was worried about his son, but tried not to let it get to him.

He stood up, before retreating to get the children ready for the day. 

He just hoped everything would be okay.

# # # # #

Shou held onto his mother's hand as he walked, looking down at his feet as they did so. 

His brothers were walking ahead of them, talking about something stupid most likely. He hated how carefree they acted, as if only about a month ago they were freed from what Shou could only describe as jail.

But that didn’t mean he liked their new environment, though.

Shou disliked a lot of things, especially when his mother acted like everything was simply okay. But he knew his mama better than anyone, and felt more than responsible for the recent stress that had been expelling from his pores.

He wished he was older, so that maybe he could help his mother more.

Shou had attempted to talk to his poor mama about it, making sure to ask everyday if he was okay. It was always yes, but Shou knew better than to believe it. 

He wished his mama had some help, but he knew the now blonde was too stubborn to even talk to other people. 

Letting out a huff, the child's ears perked up when he heard his nickname being called.

“Su-su?”

Instead of replying Shou checked his surroundings. He realized that they had made it to the park, his older brothers at the sandbox with a few other kids. He recognized one of the other kids as one of Kou’s tormentors, since his twin was just so easy to pick on.

He did it too sometimes, but he was never as mean as the other children.

“Shou? Do you hear me talking to you?” 

Hearing his mama talk talk to him again, he decided not to think too much.

He would do more thinking later.

“Yes?” the child answered sweetly. 

Hide awkwardly smiled at his youngest son, getting a bit worried at the white haired boy's behavior. The child seemed that he was thinking about something, but what could he be thinking about to where he didn’t answer to his name? It even seemed like he didn’t realize that they had made it to the park!

Instead of questioning it, Hide decided to make sure the boy was okay instead and allow him to go play.

“We’ve been at the park for a bit,” he said. “Why don’t you go play with your brothers in the sandbox?”

Shou made a noise, before slowly shaking his head. “No thank you,” he began quietly. “I just.. I just wanna stay with you right now.”

Hide’s eyes widened as he led the child to one of the nearby benches so they could sit down. They sat down next to each other, Shou kicking his legs slowly as he was bored.

“Are you sure? You don't have to play with your brothers, I could just push you on the swings if you'd like?”

“No thank you.”

“Okay, just let me know okay?”

Shou simply nodded his head, before laying his head on Hide’s lap. On instinct, the blonde smiled as he stroked his fingers gently through the child’s hair. He was happy that his baby was being talkative, and wanting to spend time with him.

It made his heart melt whenever his children confided their time with him, despite how clingy they could get at times.

They sat there for a while, Hide getting lost in his own thoughts. He looked at Hikaru and Kou, who were making a rather large sand castle off to the side. They weren’t playing with the other children like they had done before, but they looked like they were having fun nonetheless.

The blonde decided to give them another twenty minutes to play or so, which would also give Shou time to play if he decided to change his mind later. 

“Mama,” Shou suddenly said, taking Hide away from his own personal thoughts. 

The child sat up, and Hide then noticed Hikaru and Kou coming their way. The two looked upset, with his eldest child hanging his head down. It worried Hide, and immediately he put his guard up.

Who hurt his precious babies? Hide was sure to get to the bottom of it.

“Kou, Hikaru,” he said, both him and Shou standing when they walked a bit closer to them. “What happened?” Shou rushed to his twins' side, probably feeling the same way Hide was feeling at the moment. The youngest was the most overprotective out of the bunch after Hikaru, and always stood up for Kou in any way he could.

Even when they were trapped at the CCG, he would do his best to protect him there too.

“Ma’,” Hikaru groaned out, his voice a bit quavery. “Can we go now?”

“Tell me what's wrong first.” the blonde pressed. “Were the other children being mean to you again?”

This time, it was Kou who replied.

“A little bit.. But it's okay. We want to pick our books now, and go home?” the child answered, but his statement sounded more like he was questioning if it was the right thing to say. Hikaru didn’t put any input into what Kou had said, but instead slowly nodded his head in agreement.

Hide sighed, and tried his hardest not to seem upset in front of the children. He hated when they did this, never telling Hide what the real problem was. He felt offended slightly at times, but tried not to let it get the best of him.

Slight irritation showing in his features, Shou let out a grunt. Sighing deeply, Hide nodded his head, before quietly answering back to them.

“Of course,” he said. “Lets go pick out some books, then we can go home.”

Silently, they nodded their heads and waited for Hide to lead the way. Shou and Kou walked upfront this time, while Hikaru stayed behind with Hide and held on tightly to his hand with his head hung low.

As they walked, Hide couldn’t help but feel such worry and pity for both himself and his boys. The sad expression didn’t fit his eldest son's face in the slightest, but Hide could only lend the support the child was willing to accept.

He would make sure to find out by bedtime.

# # # # #   
They arrived quicker to the library than expected.

Hide couldn’t help but notice one of the fliers on the library’s windows, which advertised a medical student looking to babysit for a small amount, in order to help pay for her funding. 

That reminded Hide that he would need a job soon, which meant he also needed a babysitter if everything went smoothly.

Fucking incredible.

Currently, the children were on their own separate places in the bookshop, with Shou looking at the manga and comic section this time, Kou where the mystery and horror novels were, and Hikaru.. Was somewhere.

Hide on the other hand was in the section that gave information about ghouls, but he couldn’t quite find a book that made him feel comfortable in the slightest.

After all, who would want to read a book that was biased, and talked about how to either avoid ghouls or ways to hurt them?

Especially a parent to three ghoul children that he would die for if he was told?

Sighing, Hide turned around and decided to check on the children.

Until his body collided with another.

Both people let out a yelp, Hide being able to keep his composure while the other person.. Not so much. They fell, and Hide immediately rushed to their aide, who the blonde also realized was in fact a woman.

Well now he just felt like a complete dick!

“I’m so sorry!” he said, as he helped the woman up to her feet. “I hope you're not injured, that fall was kind of bad.” 

“Ah, that okay sir! I should have watched where I was going, too.” she insisted, Hide letting go of her shoulder (which looked slightly bandaged, but Hide wasn’t so sure) once she said so. After all, he didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, especially being the guy having made her fall like that.

She brushed off her jeans, and looked at Hide with a kind expression on her face. Her eyes seemingly pierced him, as if she could see through him. She patted his shoulder before letting out a laugh.

“Well I should introduce myself, I'm Nishino Kimi. And you?” she chuckled.

Wait, Hide knew that name from somewhere! But where?

Hide rubbed the back of his neck as he let out his own hearty chuckle. This girl seemed harmless, and she was being very polite.

“I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi, but please call me Hide.” He said, Kimi nodding her head in conformation. “I actually think I’ve seen your name around here before if it makes sense? But I'm not sure where I remember seeing it?” he decided to say.

He really wanted to know where he knew her from, as it must’ve been important if he knew it before meeting her.

Kimi let out a giggle as she nodded her head, then placed her hand on her head in salute. “I'm a babysitter! I have fliers in this library, since me and the owner are on good terms.” 

Ah, so that's where he remembered her from.

“Do you have any kids? Also, I can help you if you were interested in ghouls. This section isn’t the best, and I know where the fairly decent ones are that aren’t too offensive. Follow me?”

Hide ended up following Kimi to the section she talked about, and strangely he felt himself drawn to her more than ever as they talked more. She was very kind and polite, as well as seeming to know more knowledge about ghouls than the books had talked about. Most importantly, she made him feel comfortable when speaking about the ghoul situation.

Perhaps she knew a ghoul personally?

They had talked for a good while, before she mentioned a class she had to make in a half an hour.

He wondered how much her babysitting services were, especially since he was in search of a job. He also doubted she was a CCG member, especially the way she talked about them when they were brought up in one of the books.

“I enjoyed talking with you, Hide. I wonder when we will meet again!” she said, her bubbly attitude staying the same.

“I liked talking to you too Kimi, and I appreciate all of the help.” he said, before rushing to continue before she could leave.

He would not miss this opportunity!

“I was wondering about your babysitting services now too,” he started, looking sheepishly down. She looked at him with bright eyes, urging him to continue.

“You see I have three boys, and right now I’m looking for a job. So I was wondering if I could get your contact info’ or something, so I can call you when I need your help? I’m willing to pay extra if-”

Before he could continue his pointless rambling, Kimi cut him off with a smile. She grabbed his hand, which was surprisingly shaky.

“No need to even ask Hide, I really could use the money and I would enjoy watching your kids. If they’re anything like you, I bet they will be easy to watch and get along with,” she said, and gave him a card from her purse.

“Here’s my number and everything, but if you can't call just come back to this shop! I come here everyday at around noon, and I don’t usually leave for about two hours. So don’t worry, we will definitely see each other again. I’ll be ready for you whenever you find that job!” she happily explained, giving Hide a smile that assured him what he was being told was the truth.

“Oh Kimi, thank you so much.” Was all he could say.

After they said their final goodbyes, Kimi left on for the class she had mentioned before. Now Hide was left alone, and he was more than proud of himself that he was able to communicate without his voice getting shaky.

Well his hand did when he got a bit nervous, but luckily he found a person that he hoped to become good friends with in the future. He wasn’t positive about it, but he had the slight suspicion that Kimi knew a ghoul personally, and was happy to find someone like herself that had the same interest in helping ghouls without feeling awkward.

It was a refreshing feeling for the both of them obviously.

Also Kimi was really sweet, and he was sure he made the right choice when choosing the person to look after his precious boys when he had to start doing things that they couldn’t accompany him in doing.

Speaking of the boys, he needed to go check on them.

He had spoken to Kimi for what, about solid 45 minutes or so?

Turning on his heel quickly, Hide went to check on his children and make sure everything was okay. After all, his gut was telling him that something was up and he was certain to get to the bottom of it.

First, he found Kou. The ravenette boy was reading a book about animals, more specifically birds. He had mentioned to Hide that he really liked parrots as well as owls, but he claimed that flamingos were ‘the very best’.

Maybe Hide would get him a parrot as a pet one day, but who knows.

After Kou seemingly shooed him away, Hide went to find Shou. Of course, Hide found him in the same place as before, but now sitting in one of the beanbags that were there. The white haired boy was reading a manga that Hide had seen Hikaru with before. When he asked about the change in book categories, the boy simply replied, “Onii-chan likes them, so I want to try to like them, too.”

After remembering that his youngest and his oldest children were slightly mean to each other recently, Hide encouraged Shou to find more interests to talk about with his brothers.

At least he wasn’t secretly reading Takatsuki Sen like he had done before, which Hide disapproved of due to Shou’s age.

Since the twins were in their own world, that left Hide’s gut feeling to believe that something was wrong with Hikaru, his precious first baby.

After a few minutes, Hide peeked over one of the bookshelves to finally see his son huddled in a corner with his head in his lap, a book sprawled out next to him. Instantly, Hide went to his baby, and sat down next to him slowly as not to startle him.

That was when Hide heard the small sniffles that came from the little boy. It made Hide’s heart physically hurt, since Hikaru hardly ever cried. This was the first time in years that Hikaru had burst into tears, and it didn’t feel right or settle well with Hide at all.

Hide reached out his hand and immediately began rubbing the child's back comfortingly. The boy lifted up his red face, and rested his head against the blonds chest. Hide held his baby, and allowed the child to silently sob.

“Hikaru,” he cooed gently. “What’s wrong? You can tell mama.”

“T-The book,” the little boy began, his voice so soft and broken that Hide almost strained to hear him. “I-It said that ghouls were bad, and we all should go die.” he sniffed. “I haven’t been bad, have I mama?”

“Of course not hon’,” Hide said, as the child sat up to look at him. He wasn’t crying as badly anymore, and Hide was able to understand him better as a result. The blonde didn’t even bother looking at the book that had said those things, but instead stood up and grabbed Hikaru’s hand.  
“Ghouls are not bad at all, but just like humans. Humans can do worse things than a ghoul can at times, and that's a fact. That book is wrong. You're not bad, and you couldn’t be any more perfect for me. I love you and your brothers so much.”

“R-Really? You're not upset with me?”

“Why would I be? Like you said, you haven't been bad or done anything wrong.”

Hikaru’s smile quivered, but his eyes said otherwise. Hide could tell the child was sad still, but the boy refused to say anything else.

“Now, pick out a nice book you want so I can buy it, then we can scoop up your brothers and buy their books too. We can go home afterwards.”

The boy stayed silent for a bit, before shaking his head.

“I don’t want a book today,” he said quietly. “Can I get it next time?”

“Of course. Now let's get your brothers, yeah?”

# # # # #  
Hide sighed as he and the children entered the apartment.

The day had gone neither smoothly or badly, but more of a mix. He was happy he had gotten his babysitting situation over with, but he was upset with the lack of communication the children suddenly had. Usually, the kids would tell him immediately what was wrong, but this time they were more secretive than ever. 

He was still determined what the hell happened at the park today, and would get his answers hopefully before the night was over. Shou ended up being the only one that wanted a book from the store, a strange looking manga that Hide just knew had something to do with horror.

The little boy was sitting on one of the three stools at the kitchen counter, with Kou on his left and Hikaru on his right. Hide was in the kitchen, doing dishes that he had forgotten to do before. Shou was reading in his own world, Hikaru was simply laying his head on the counter, and Kou was fidgeting in his seat, looking extremely guilty.

“Kou? What are you thinking about honey?” Hide decided to ask. He tried not to act harsh, especially not to scare them. But he knew Kou would talk mention something to Hide, after all he was the kid that couldn’t keep things in for too long.

Hikaru seemingly gave a glare to Kou, before the ravenette said something so quickly Hide almost didn’t catch it.

“Hikaru got into a fight at the park today.”

Hide let the dish he was watching drop from his hands, and Shou even lifted up from his book. Hikaru looked plain shocked, somewhat betrayed.

“Tattletale!” the eldest boy growled out loudly, before Hide interrupted.

A fight? When the hell was this!?

“What happened.” the blonde sternly said, his voice hardening. Hikaru tried to say something else, but Hide put his hand up as to silence the boy. 

Kou continued on, “When we were building the castles, the other kids were being really mean to me, and onii-chan tried to stand up for me. He pushed Yuji because he was angry, but when Yuji said he was telling, we went to you so that we could leave.”

“Why didn’t you two come back when he started bothering you guys? Hikaru you can’t try to fight the other kids, that's not okay!”

Hikaru stood with his fists clenched and tears started pooling from his eyes as he spoke back. 

“He was being mean! He deserved it!”

“What have I told you about that? I told you and your brothers what might happen, and you promised you would tell me if something happened on the playground.”

“But-”

“No buts! You shouldn’t have done that, and I know I've taught you better. Even if someone makes you upset, you shouldn’t be mean back. You should have walked away, Hikaru.”

Hide’s eyes widened when he looked at Hikaru, quite shocked at what he was seeing. Shou and Kou seen it too, and hid behind Hide as if on instinct.

Hikaru’s left eye was no longer honey brown, but black and red. That was when Hide noticed the tentacle like figures reach out from the little boys back. Hikaru covered his face as he cried, and Hide did his best to slow his heart rate.

“I hate this! I don't wanna be here anymore!” the little boy sobbed, the tentacles seemingly having a mind of their own, the live-like beings moving rapidly on their own and destroying a lamp in the process.

Hide cautiously stepped forward, before kneeling down to Hikaru’s height. “Hikaru,” he began, his voice staying steady and calm. His expression was unreadable, but he was hoping he was doing this correctly. He was slightly fearful of what might happen, but he needed to make his little boy feel better.

The boy continued to sob, before removing his hands from his face. His face was pink and his lip was quivering as he continued to sob. His single black and red eye dilated, and he clenched his tiny hands together. As if the tentacles could understand it was Hide’s voice, they stopped moving so violently and laid limply on the floor, one of them breaking a chair.

“Hikaru honey listen to me, come here,” Hide held out his hand, and let a tiny smile appear on his lips. “It’s okay, i’m not angry at all. Breathe in,” Hikaru sucked in a breath. “And breath out. There you go, you're doing a good job. Come here.” 

Hikaru’s eye color returned to brown, and the tentacles seemingly evaporated slowly into his back. Hide heard what seemed like a snapping noise come from the child, but he didn’t worry about it at that moment.

He was focused on calming his baby down.

Hikaru took tiny steps toward his mama, his hands shaking. He looked at his younger brothers, who seemed frozen in their spot behind Hide. The boy sniffled when Hide grabbed his hands and caressed them gently, before the blonde spoke again.

“Hikaru, it's okay. I was never mad at you, I just want you to realize it's okay to tell me things so I can help.” Hikaru gasped and his breath shook. “What did Yuji say to you that made you so upset?”

Hiakru’s voice trembled as he spoke, “He was saying mean things about you and the twins,” he sniffled. “He said we only had one parent, and called us bastards. T-Then he kicked Shou’s sand castle, and hurt his feelings. He was just so mean! A-And I wanted to learn how to start doing things by myself.. Mao-chan said before we came here that I needed to help you by being good.” He sniffled again. “Then I don’t think I’m that smart.. Because Su-san said that I'm annoying yesterday!”

Hide nodded his head in understanding, before feeling his heart melt for his poor baby. Poor Hikaru, trying to be so grown up for him even though he didn’t need too.

“Hikaru hon’ I didn’t realize how much you were trying to do for me. But please don’t keep things from me anymore, okay?” Hikaru nodded his head as he spoke. “Please promise me to come to me with your problems, all of you.” Hide looked at all of his children when he said that, and they all nodded their heads in understanding.

As if on cue, Kou and Shou walked closer and gave their mother and brother somewhat of a group hug. Shou laid his head on Hikaru’s shoulder and the other boy sniffled before squeezing his little brother in a hug. The small family held onto each other for what seemed like eternity, not like any of them minded.

“Sorry for hurting your feelings,” Shou mumbled into the hug. “I actually think your jokes are funny.”

That seemed to please Hikaru, who’s smile retired to his face and he looked as if he was never sad at all. “That means I can do a puppet show for you! This ones totally funny, be right back!”

Hide, Shou, and Kou looked at each other, the youngest child sighing in defeat. “I regret this already, mama.”

“You blaming me now, Su-san?”

“Yes.”

Hide let out a hearty laugh for the night and stood up, his back cracking in the process. He looked at the slight mess that was made after the commotion and sighed.

He was tired.

# # # # #

Hide blinked his eyes as he stroked his fingers through Hikaru’s wild curls as the child slept. 

The night ended roughly, and Hide was almost certain if he wasn’t calm things could have ended in bloodshed. His mind wandered to the tentacle kagune that he saw, and wondered if the twins had the same.

He felt slightly ashamed in his parenting skills, wondering how many other secrets his children had hidden from him. It scared him slightly, especially because Hikaru looked much better with a smile on his face than a frown.

It was something he hoped wouldn’t happen again.

Then he thought about his encounter with Kimi, which reminded him that he would have to start job searching sooner or later. The only work experience he’s had was a paper route when he was starting his first college semester at Kamii University.

Before he was taken and abused by his fellow human beings, eight years ago to be exact.

The blonde sighed as he let his eyes close, sleep beginning to override him and his strange thoughts. Hide let a tear drip down his sleep as he embraced the sleep that he deserved so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGOSH!!! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter (which was super late im sorry!) with some of the basic events taking place. I changed this layout twice, as well as some of the events for upcoming chapters which is part of why is took me so long. But I do confess, that Animal Crossing was the distraction for me while making this, hence my school work overflowing and my time being consumed. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, and I hope it doesn't take the next chapter as long it took this one! Next chapter will have a bit more plot, as well as insight of Hide's paranoia. I hated writing Hikaru's upset scene??? Because he's happy and didn't deserve to be sad?? I hate myself for it :( But i'd like to thank everyone for the very encouraging comments, they mean the absolute world to me <3 because no matter how long this story takes, I plan to finish it completely so never lose any faith in this!! I will most likely make a Tumblr (since everyone seems to have it) as a way to interact with the people that enjoy my writing a bit better, so I will have that in the notes for the next chapter :) Thank you all for reading this, and enjoy!!
> 
> Name Guide ( as requested!!)-
> 
> Hikaru - "Light" or "Radiance"
> 
> Shou - "Soar" or "Glide"
> 
> Kou - "Blessing" or "Fortune"


	5. v. caught up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The supply of cash is running lower everyday, so Hide applies for a job. His mental health seems to decline, and he questions all of the decisions hes made. Until he is caught by an investigator, and saved from an unlikely source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back!! explaining the reason for my disappearance in bottom notes!! i hope everyone enjoys this.
> 
> Tw. Murder

Shou’s eyes twitched as he slept, trying his hardest to focus on the strange man in his dreams.

He wasn’t sure if it was an older version of himself or not, but the events of the dreams were certainly worth embracing. His eye twitched again, as he felt something poke his side once, then twice.

“Su-sannn.”

The little boy groaned as he recognized the voice to be that of his elder brothers, but he really didn’t feel like dealing with Hikaru’s mess at the moment. The dream felt all too real, especially when he saw the man and his mother in such a happy setting.

But it made no sense in a way, especially if his dream look-alike was indeed himself. After all, he could never see his mama in such a romantic way. Sure, he would give anything to keep Hide (Shou was sure he was the only one who knew his mother's birth name, thanks to the snooping around he did days prior) safe and would give up the world for him to be happy.

But this was different.

Shou let out a growl as he was poked rapidly about three times, just like before.

“Su-sannnn.” 

Sitting up straight with an expression of malice, Shou finally faced his brother who was sitting right next to him with a grin on his face.

“What do you want? Can’t you see I’m sleeping?” He all but growled out, but the fear tactic seemed not to faze Hikaru who snickered rather loudly.

Sitting on his heels now, Shou let out a sigh. The little boy hoped that he would be able to remember his dream, and perhaps continue it when he would take his afternoon nap. 

Hikaru eased his way to his younger brother, burying his face in the boy's lap with a groan.

“Su-sannnn!” 

“S-Stop being weird,” Shou felt a blush form on his face. He never got used to how clingy Hikaru or even his mama was. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the affection, because that wasn’t true at all despite what he told them.

It just made him feel vulnerable , at least that’s what he told himself.

Hikaru mumbled something incoherent to the younger, as he moved his head from the younger's lap to the crook of his neck. He even wrapped his arms around the other, giving himself permission to a sort of ‘cuddle position’.

Using all of his strength, Shou pushed his brother off of him, who in turn fell off the bed from the weight of the push. Hikaru hit the carpeted floor with a ‘plop’, and let out a loud groan of pain. Shou looked at his elder brother nervously, then turned behind himself to see his twin stirring from all of the commotion they had made.

Rubbing his eyes and pushing a black curl out of his face, Kou stared from his twin to Hikaru, who was still letting out clearly over dramatic groans of pain.

“Su-san!” he moaned in pain, “All I wanted was to love you! I just wanna love youuuuu!” Hikaru dragged out the final word, rolling around some more on the ground. Realizing his brother was just being a prick, Shou let the anxiety of hurting the elder subside. 

The twins looked at each other, and as if on cue, they both leaped off of the bed. Both twins landed on Hikaru, and then all three of them burst into a fit of giggles from the rough play. Shou took it upon himself to pinch both of Hikaru’s cheeks, while letting out a small snort.

“I do love you,” muttered the white haired twin. “But you're still annoying.”

Kou moved over and wrapped his arms around the other two with a pout, “I want some love too!” his voice quivered as he said the words.

“Dont cry!” Said the other two, and they all gave effort into a new group hug. They sat like that quietly for a moment of silence, just listening to one another's heart beats. That silence was broken by heavy footsteps coming toward them, and all three children looked up to see their mama. He looked frantic, his blonde locks sticking every which way, his pajama pants twisted in a comedic fashion, and a gleaming metal object in his hand. Shou realized the item as a knife, the one he had seen his mama receive from the bag left by Mao.

“What is going on! Is anyone hurt?” Hide wheezed, his voice trembling as well as his hand.

Hikaru let out a howl of laughter, while Kou simply shrugged his shoulders and let out a sheepish ‘dunno, just woke up too’. Shou sighed and looked at his mama with glinted eyes.

“We’re not hurt mama,” he said with confidence in his tone. “We were just playing around.”

Hikaru let out a wheeze and let out an animated groan of disapproval. “Not hurt? Speak for yourself!”

“You started it!”

Hikaru was getting ready to give a retort back, before Hide interrupted him.

“That’s enough! No more arguing guys,” he said with a sigh of exhaustion. The blonde had been sleeping deeply that morning, and woke up to the sound of things hitting the floor. He had thought the worst had happened! Even grabbed his knife, just in case something bad had happened!

The children looked at him sheepishly, with doey eyes.

“Sorry, mama.” they said once more in unity.

Hide smiled at the boys, and rubbed his tired eyes. “It's okay, my little stooges, let's get ready to eat and start the day.”

“Hooray!”

# # # #   
The rest of the morning went smoothly.

For breakfast, Hide had eaten some oatmeal and drank some tea whilst the boys ate their usual. After that, everyone in the house got dressed for the day. Hide wore something simple, a blue long sleeve and grey jeans. He and Hikaru decided to ‘match’ that day, the boy choosing a similar shirt and settling on shorts. The twins on the other hand dressed similar to one another, wearing black colored sweaters and jeans. 

Hide was surprisingly excited to get the day going, doing his best to think more positively on their situation and not so negatively. He had once again been reminded of the worrisome amount of cash, and had decided that he would do his best to bargain shop when they headed to the store. He was happy he had once again seen more of Kimi, always seeing the girl at their previous trips to the library.

She had met the boys on their second meeting, and Hide was pleased to say that his boys enjoyed meeting her, and were happy to have her as the one to babysit them when Hide got a job. They had set up meetings on Mondays and Wednesdays to keep eachother updated at the same library, and everytime Kimi brought something for each child, whether it be more toys or books. 

Today was a Tuesday, so the small family of four didn’t have much planned for that day. Usually they spent time watching movies, playing rather competitive games of UNO, or going to the same convenience store where Natsuko had happily scanned their items each time.

Hide smiled as they walked alongside the road, holding Kou’s hand and watching the other two children walk in front. They were, ironically, on their way to the convenience store. The four walked in the children leading Hide where he should go and what they should get. Shou reminded Hide to get more cleaning supplies (he was tired of his mama complaining about how ‘dirty the damn house was’), whilst Kou reminded the human to get more food. Hikaru, on the other hand, directed Hide to the isle meant for pets and their care supplies. As they scanned the isles, at once started picking up things.

“Maaa!” Hikaru groaned sheepishly. 

“Yes honey?”

Hide strained to listen as Shou began explaining what a Guinea Pig was to his twin.

“Can we have one of those? Please!” Hikaru pointed at a bag of food, and Hide’s brow arched as he looked at the animal on the bag.

A cat? That's what Hikaru wanted?

Hide clicked his tongue and let out a whistle. “You want a kitty?”

“Yes!” Hikaru nodded excitedly. “Please.” 

Shou and Kou wandered over to where Hide and Hikaru were standing, as they looked at the pretty orange cat displayed on the bag labeled ‘CAT FOOD’.

“A cat?” Shou questioned aloud.

“We like cats mama!” Kou added.

Hide looked at the three and the bag again, once more thinking about their money situation. He really didn’t want to say no to them, but he also didn’t have the money for a cat AND the supplies needed to care for one.

Hide looked sadly at his children, and their excitement suddenly seemed to fade as they read their mama’s expression.

“I'm sorry babies,” Hide began softly as well as running a hand through Hikaru’s hair. “We can't get a kitty right now, but I promise that soon we can sooner or later. We just have to be patient, okay?”

Shou and Kou looked at each other before nodding at each other respectively, seemingly reading Hide’s mind. Hikaru let out a small pout, but hugged Hide’s leg nonetheless.

“It’s okay mama, I understand. Kitties are expensive huh?”

Hide let out a laugh. “That's right! But when I get extra spending money we can totally have a pet cat.”

“Hooray!” the boys cheered, before asking what aisle they were going to head to next.

Hide decided that this was all of the things he had come to the store for, and decided to go ring up their items. On the way to Natsuko’s cashier station Hide sighed with relief at the boy's immediate understanding. Hide wouldn't mind getting his boys a cat, especially since felines were a bit easier to take care of dogs in a sense. But Hide also worried about the cats wellbeing, considering his children were half-ghouls, and by nature were drawn to eating the flesh of creatures. More specifically human flesh, but still!

Hide would never live with himself if he allowed one of the boys to eat or bite a poor kitty, it just wouldn’t be fair.

Hide lost the thought as Natsuko greeted them.

“Good afternoon Hide!” she then looked at the boys, her smile widening with glee. “And hello to my favorite sticker lovers! Do you guys want more stickers? I have a set with cars now.”

All of the boys smiled with triumph and held out their palms.

“Yes please!”

Hide smiled as Natsuko gave the children their little gifts, and began ringing up the items he had brought to the station. As the boys busied themselves over who had the best sticker, Hide’s mind wandered once more over their lack of money.

He sighed, “I wish I had a job.” 

The cashier seemed to perk up at the mumbled statement, turning to Hide with much enthusiasm in her voice as she continuously scanned the items.

“You want a job?” she repeated.

Hide looked sheepishly as the conversation went on between them.

“I guess I said that at loud huh?”

“Well don’t worry my poor friend, I have the perfect idea for you!” she stated almost heroically.

She continued, “You know the coffee shop down the street? Anteiku? Well I hear they’ve been short staff, despite their delicious coffee! I think you should try there, I’m sure they would love to have you in their coffee gang,” she let out a giggle at her own joke before finishing her thoughts. “I'm pretty sure you’d make the cut since you're not so shabby looking, and I'm sure they will give you a flexible schedule since you have children.”

Hide let out a sound of immediate satisfaction, and Natsuko gave a purr. She then gave Hide the total of his items and set his bags on the counter. After paying, Hide gave a toothy grin to the cashier and gave his thanks for the valuable information.

The boys said their goodbyes, and each grabbed a bag to help. As they left Natsuko gave another wave and shouted towards Hide.

“No problem! I can tell your future definitely lies in Anteiku!”

After that, Hide and the boys set off home, ready to play a vicious game of UNO, three of them eager to beat Shou, who had won four uno games in a row.

# # # # #  
“Maaaaa!”

“Cocooo!”

“Coco? I’m not coco, I’m Kou!”

Hide sighed at the boy, ruffling his hair. “It's a new nickname I came up for you, since you complained that it was unfair that Shou had a nickname and not you.”

The black haired boy blushed, stammering, “N-Nuh uh! That was onii-chan!”

Hide then leant in close to the boy's face, then scooped up the child and gave a sloppy kiss to the cheek. Kou squealed at the attention and love he began receiving, as Hikaru and Shou watched with amused grins.

“You're my Coco! My baby, Kou!”

“Coco! Coco!” The other children chanted, as they ran up and hugged Hide’s leg.

Shou broke the giggling with quiet words.

“Isn’t Kimi supposed to watch us today?”

Hide made a noise signaling Shou’s correctness, as it was true that Kimi would be watching them since it was now a Monday. The Wednesday prior, Kimi offered to do a test run of watching the children after the delightful news that Hide would soon be applying for a job at Anteiku. At the news however, Hide noticed a change of attitude in Kimi. She seemed to be deeply encouraging him to apply, saying that the staff there were wonderful and would more than likely help Hide with ANY problem.

However, nagging at the back of Hide’s mind, he couldn’t help but notice how much she put the emphasis on how the staff would help him with ‘any problem’.

Could she mean something deeper, or was Hide’s inner voice trying to cause him to stop trusting the woman he considered a friend to himself and his family? After all, from the time he met Kimi she always seemed to know how to spot a ghoul. He noticed she treated the children with caution, never offering sweets like Natsuko would.

But Hide forced himself to believe he was overthinking it, and that Kimi would never find out about his children's bloodlines or the fact that HE gave birth to them, and that there wasn’t a woman that he had made the children with.

He was LITERALLY their birth mother, but Hide refrained from thinking about the past.

Hide sighed as he shook the thoughts away. Today he was going to spend the day by himself as Kimi did a test watching the children, but really it was just adult business and Hide was sure he would hate the beginning of working if he got the job. After all, he had never spent more than about an hour without seeing his babies, and Hide knew with a job he would have to get used to not seeing them for hours at a time.

Hide smiled at his snowy haired child, giving him a kiss to the forehead.

“That's right Su-su, and I want you all to be good to her alright?” he sternly said, and all of the children nodded eagerly.

“Now,” he began. “I also want you guys to know that Kimi will be watching you guys more often, as this time she's just seeing if it'll work out. Mama’s getting a job, so you guys will have to get used to me not being here much on certain days.”

“Aww! No fair!” Hikaru said with a loud whine.

“See! I told you guys mama’s gonna be gone sometimes!” Kou chimed in with a pout.

“Where are you going to work? asked Shou, seemingly unfazed by the news Hide had brought to the household.

“I'm going to work at a place called Anteiku, that is if I'm hired. It's a coffee shop, hon’.” 

Suddenly, a knock at the door interrupted their discussion. Immediately, the children rushed to the door.

“Kimi’s here!”

Hide opened the door and greeted the young lady, thanking her over and over for agreeing to do the deed of watching his children.

“It's no problem really, so don't thank me as much.” she said with a reassuring smile. “I hope I don't sound weird for saying this, but I’m really rooting for you Hide. I’ll always be here to help, and i’m absolutely positive you will get the job.” she finished with a wink of her eye.

That strange feeling in his gut came again, but Hide pushed it down like bile.

“Th-thank you Kimi,” Hide said while stammering over his words. “I will be back as quickly as possible, I promise.”

Then all three of the children hugged onto Hide’s legs, and Hide bent to their height to give them proper hugs. “I won't be long today boys, it will only be a few hours this time.” 

“Promise?” Shou looked at him with crystal eyes.

“I would never lie to you,” he said with a smile. “To any of you, remember that.”

The children nodded in approval, and Hikaru suggested getting the UNO cards to play with Kimi. As they disappeared, Hide grabbed his coat and told Kimi he would be back no later than 10 at night, to which she quickly agreed. After waving his final goodbye and getting a few more encouraging words from Kimi, Hide left to start his journey to Anteiku.

# # # # #

The smell of fresh coffee hit Hide’s nose as he stepped into Anteiku.

Looking around the shop, he noticed a few of the workers stare at him. One of them, a raven haired girl with angry eyes, looked him up and down as if she was reading him. The other workers were two males, one rather skinny with strawberry blonde hair and glasses and the other a plump man with brown hair that was in a rather strange style.

There was a pretty brunette girl sitting at one of the tables, whom the angry looking girl had ditched looking at Hide to talk to her with hushed words.

The one with the glasses was the first to speak.

“Welcome to Anteiku,” he said, sounding rather bored. “How may I help you today sir?”

Hide’s stomach hurt from the new found butterflies in his stomach. This was it!

“Hi, um, yeah I’m looking to speak with the manager? Is he in right now?” he forced himself to say, and he winced as his voice cracked under the intense gaze the raven haired woman was giving him again, until the girl sitting down muttered some words to her in a hushed whisper.

The man with the glasses looked at Hide again, before nodding. “Sure thing blondie, follow me.”

Hide followed the man down a rather long hall, and Hide couldn’t help but wonder how many rooms were in the damn shop! He was sure he passed six of them, even if that number is a bit exaggerated.. But still!

They stopped at a door with the words ‘MANAGER’ plastered clearly on the surface. The man snorted before looking at Hide again.

“You seem like the dumbass who doesn’t know how to knock before entering, so I’ll tell you now to do so.” Then, without even waiting, the man left Hide and back to the front of the shop where the rest of the people were. 

Gulping and feeling a bit uneasy by the hostility of the workers, Hide knocked on the door lightly. He heard an eager ‘come in’ from the other side, and Hide cautiously opened the door. Hide was greeted by a cheerful looking elderly man, whose face covered with wrinkles but eyes shone with old age and wisdom. The man was sitting across from an empty seat, where he gestured his hand for Hide to sit. 

“Don’t be shy, come sit down.” the man said, his voice making Hide feel instantly at ease.

Taking his seat, Hide set out a sigh of anxiousness as he introduced himself.

“Hello sir, I really thank you for your kindness, and allowing me to speak with you,” the blonde began but tumbled over his words, trying to be as polite as he could, but the old man's face didn’t show he noticed Hide’s anxious behavior.

The old man let out a hearty chuckle and nodded his head. “Of course, I always like my visitors to feel welcome,” he began. “I believe you're here for the interview, correct?”

Hide nodded with a smile, automatically feeling welcomed by the old man and he hadn’t even begun to work there yet!

The old man smiled and looked at Hide, as if he could read the man trembling in the seat across from him. Hide smiled as the man gave a reassuring grin, and the old man began to speak.

“Well,” started the older male. “How about a quick introduction? Simply call me Yoshimura, as it is what most people choose to call me.”

Hide nodded and spoke, “Um, my name is Nagachika Hideyoshi, but most people call me Hide.”

“Nice to meet you Hide,” the older man greeted once more, before his voice seemed to get more serious. “Now, straight to the point. Hide, my shop is open to everyone. I am looking for someone who can accept change, and treat everyone respectfully despite their differences.” the old man spoke while gazing at Hide, his eyes seeming to gleam. 

Hide couldn’t help but notice that the man spoke as if he was Hinting at something else in particular, and Hide couldn’ help but think about ghouls when the man described differences.

Could Yoshimura be hinting that there were ghouls in the shop? Or maybe that this cafe was actually run by ghouls specifically? 

Hide nodded with a small smile, attempting to show that he understood Yoshimura, even if Hide was wrong about this being a ghoul cafe.

“I like to think that I get along with everyone,” Hide began slowly. “I do my best to treat others based on their personality, not on race or any other factor that cannot be changed.” Yoshimura looked at Hide with interest, so the blond continued. “I believe everyone deserves a second chance, and that I’m damn good at adjusting to new things. After all, one cannot blame others for things that they cannot control at birth, am I right?”

Hide was pleased to see that Yoshimura looked happy at the statement, as the old man was nodding in agreement with a smile that reminded Hide of the one his own father would sport when he was still among the living.

“I agree with you one hundred percent, Mr.Nagachika.” The old man said as he stood, and Hide stood as well. Yoshimura held out his hand and he and Hide shook hands.

“Come back tomorrow and I will have the answer whether you're hired or not,” the old man said and Hide couldn’t help but smile brightly. “I think you would be a perfect addition to what I consider a family. You can head on home now, since I believe we’re done here for now.” 

“Thank you so much Yoshimura-san!” 

After exchanging a few more words, Hide slipped out and entered the hallway and attempted to find his way back into the shop. He checked his jacket pocket, and realized that he didn’t leave the house without his knife. 

As Hide walked back towards the front door of the shop, the angry looking girl from before let out a scoff, and he heard her make a comment.

“I can't stand people these days,” he heard her say. “Good thing I have Yoriko to keep these idiots in check with me.

The brown haired girl that was sitting at one of the tables nodded happily and blew a kiss at the girl, who blushed a bit. When the ravenette girl noticed Hide still standing there however, her attitude seemed to return.

“Well if you're not going to buy anything, then leave! You're not exactly blessing us with your presence, you dope!”

Letting out a quick ‘sorry’, Hide left the shop. He couldn’t help but wonder who pissed in that chicks coffee today.

# # # # #

After the interview, Hide decided to stay out a bit longer. He wanted to get used to the feeling of being safe and welcome in the neighbourhood, but he always felt on edge. That's why he brought the single pocket knife with him everywhere, aad even practiced on using it in case he ever needed to defend himself.

Hide wasn’t a murderer, but he wouldn’t allow someone to take him away from this cruel world with his children still here. No matter how he felt, he had to be there for the boys.

They were all that each other had, after all.

It got dark rather quickly, and Hide stood from the bench he had been sitting on. He wasn’t too far from Anteiku, and couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to the people he met at the shop. As he stood and walked, he couldn’t help but feel as if he was being followed.

Lost in his thoughts, Hide barely dodged the slashing of what seemed like a whip!

Hide tumbled as he dodged the attack, and turned around to face the person responsible. He wouldn’t go down without a fight thats for fucking sure!

Hide’s heart dropped as he looked at the man, and realized by the briefcase and the white trench coat that this man was indeed a CCG Investigator. But how could they have found him!

Hide heard the man spit and attempt to hit Hide with the whip again, who dodged with a yelp. The man seemed to eye Hide, and smiled one that made Hide feel uneasy.

“I’ve been sent here to bring you and the other experiments back to base,” the man said with a sneer. “What made you think you’d last out here for long anyways?”

Hide didn’t even answer, but instead began running the opposite direction of his come, hitting the alleyways and fumbling around with his knife. The man chased after Hide, before Hide was cornered between an alley and a wire fence. 

Turning around and facing his enemy with tears managing to slip free, Hide held the knife with a tight grip.

“I will never be CCG property,” he wheezed out, his legs burning and aching from all of the running he had been doing. The man looked as if he was going to say something, before Hide noticed a flash behind the investigator in the corner of his eyes. 

The man seemed to feel the presence, and turned around. There stood a pretty young girl, with short brown hair and her eyes growing black and red.

It was a ghoul!

The young girl looked no older than sixteen at the very least, and Hide heard her clearly as she spoke. 

“I won't let this happen!” she said, and Hide noticed what looked to be the girls kagune form from behind her back, reminding Hide of beautiful white butterfly wings. There were four of them, and the girl lashed them at the investigator. 

“I just can't let you hurt another innocent being!”

The investigator let out a huff and easily dodged the attack, and cracked his whip towards the girl before letting out a laugh.

“How funny,” he said with a huff. “A ghoul attempting to save a meal from me. I can’t wait until I get rid of you, you pest!”

They began to fight, Kagune and quingue lashing back and forth. Hide couldn’t help but stare and stay in his position, stuck and frozen with fear. He didn’t want to leave, he just couldn’t leave the girl with this monster! Then, he thought about how if the girl lost this fight, that the Investigator would undoubtedly take Hide, or go back and tell the rest of the CCG of the location he was spotted in.

He had too much to lose! Then Hide thought about his children, and the dead bodies of his babies flashed in his mind. It was either this man, or his children.’

This guy would have to die, no matter the cost!

Hide then noticed that the girl seemed to be losing, and was coming to Hide’s side.

She had a sweet voice and she urged Hide to follow her.

“Come on sir! We have to go!” she said, and Hide noticed the blood on the young girls face and body, her kagune had dissolved back into her back.

She had been defeated.

They would have been able to escape the corner if they were quick enough, but the investigator blocked the way. 

“I see you’ve made friends with other vermin!” the investigator spat, and he suddenly hurled himself toward Hide and knocked the blonde down. Hide heard the female ghoul let out a scream, as the two men struggled on the ground. 

The investigator actually threw his weapon, and began to choke Hide. 

Hide struggled relentlessly, but didn’t seem to be doing enough as he felt his air decreasing. He used his remaining strength trying to reach his knife, which landed a few feet away from him when he was tackled, forming a plan to get rid of this man once and for all.

Hide’s plan worked, and he used the knife to swipe upwards.

Hide didn’t even know whether he was the one to kill the investigator or not however. He had gotten light headed from the strangling attempt and passed out, his last memory being the investigator slumping against him, and the faces of the brown haired ghoul and a familiar woman with angry eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH! Hide is going through it! My baby is a murderer, and was saved by our girl Hinami!! I decided to do this differently, because I like the idea of Hinami attempting to save Hide because of his 'smell' (think about it) and it reminded her of a certain somebody. Also sorry for the cliffhanger at the end i couldnt resist lol. but concerning my absence, i know i was supposed to update WAY earlier. i was gone for like 2 months?? this reason was because i had a really bad mental health collapse.i wasnt taking my proper medication and neglecting services, and it eventually boomed on me and i had a bad episode. im feeling better now, but i couldnt do any kind of writing in the state I was in. i hope everyone can understand. but enough sad things i hope you guys enjoyed this update! please share what was most surprising in the comments!
> 
> also glad to announce i made a tumblr! i will be sharing updates for my stories as well as any upcoming absences and such. its mostly a personal literature blog too, so it wont be completely filled like anime unless it had to do with any ffs lol. find me @cxffeeworm


End file.
